If you’ve been reading Husband Help Haven for very long, you already know that most common relationship advice probably won’t save your marriage.
If you’re like most men, then everything you’ve tried to get your wife back has been either ineffective or, worse, pushed her even further away.
There’s a reason you can’t get your wife back.
What is it?
The mindset and strategies that you’ve learned simply aren’t attractive. You’ve been taught false information and unproven, theoretical advice that has no ties to real life or how your woman feels about you.
So, what’s the secret to getting your wife back?
If you can rebuild attraction, then every problem, every bit of blame and all the discontent will suddenly fade away. It won’t be long before she falls head over heels for you once again.
The only question is, how do you rebuild attraction?
In order to rebuild attraction, you have to change the way your wife FEELS about you.
Good communication won’t save your marriage, and neither will marriage counseling, intimacy time, date nights or any of those “typical marriage solutions”. They’re great for maintaining a healthy marriage, but they won’t actually change anything about your wife’s feelings. Because of that, you’ll never get anywhere with those relationship restoration strategies.
Because these typical marriage solutions feel good in the moment, but as soon as real life happens your wife will quickly 180° on you. Things will quickly go back to how they were before – distant, depressing and cold.
The reason these strategies don’t last is because they don’t change the way your wife FEELS about you. Remember: she will always listen to her desires over reason.
We can turn to biology for a deeper understanding…
Women are Biologically Programmed to Desire the Alpha Male
Both men and women are biologically attracted to certain characteristics in the opposite gender. Women have a primal attraction to the man they believe can best provide for them; in the animal world, you could call this the Alpha Male. (although as we talk about in MMR, the analogy isn’t perfect. A good husbandly leader is much more than just an appealing mate)
Women always want to be with the biggest, strongest and most supportive ‘Lion’.
“But Stephen, what does this have to do with me?”
Right now, I think you’ll agree that you’re nowhere close to being a Lion. Honestly, you’re closer to sheep… No offense intended. As I said, this is NOT your fault; what you’ve been taught has put you in this position.
You see, we live in a gender-neutral society where the idea of the husband NEEDING to be the leader is considered sexist and chauvinistic. It’s the era we live in. Don’t dwell on it, just focus on moving forward.
In fact, this should be good news to you because you’re getting the key to your marriage. Re-ignite your hope; don’t let past regrets stop you from being optimistic. You can do this!
Alpha Males Have One Trait in Common – Leadership
As you’ll learn in Manly Marriage Revival, leadership is the one quality that always rekindles attraction.
I know this sounds sexist, but here’s the truth: women are biologically programmed to support and care for their family. Consequently, they’re also programmed to desire men who can lead for them, provide for them and thrill them.
“But Stephen, I’m not a leader. I’m not the breadwinner. I’m shy and don’t like confrontation… Are you telling me I can’t get my wife back?”
No! You’re thinking too literally.
That’s why I hate the saying ‘nice guys finish last’… Nice guys can still be perfect husbandly leaders. An alpha male doesn’t have to be a jock douche bag; in fact, one of the biggest alpha indicators is a sense of selflessness.
Let’s talk about what really defines a leader, because it’s certainly not about how many people you have underneath you.
What Really Defines a Leader?
- A Leader is Fun to Be Around and doesn’t let other people get him down… That includes your wife’s unhappiness. Let you be the source of your happiness. You don’t have to be self-centered, just self-sufficient.
- A Leader is Confident in Himself and knows that life will keep going for better or for worse. A leader makes the best of every situation… This naturally makes him pleasant to be around.
- A Leader is Decisive; he has an open mind, but still defines his own decisions. He doesn’t let other people’s expectations affect his decision-making, he can always figure out what’s best.
- A Leader Loves His Neighbor and cares deeply for the people that depend on him. He’s loving, kind and affectionate, but he doesn’t grovel or plead for attention like many men do.
- A Leader Is a Provider, not just for food, but for enjoyment, enlightenment and self-worth. He provides his wife with a strong pillar of support that she can always lean on.
This is the secret to getting your wife back. You’re having marriage problems because you’ve lost one or more of these qualities.
Get this through your head: Every husband was a leader at some point, but because you don’t resemble the leader that you once were, she no longer desires to be with you. The absence of desire is what’s creating a chasm in your marriage.
From her perspective, you no longer resemble the LION that she married.
If you can re-discover the qualities of husbandly leadership that you’re missing, you’ll finally get control of your marriage. Plus, you’ll be better prepared for life in general. Even when things go sour (as they always do eventually) a leader can still remain happy, successful and confident.
After all, what does a LION have to be afraid of?
If you still have unanswered questions or you’d like to learn more about getting your wife back, then I encourage you to continue browsing. I’ve written extensively about how to get your wife back.
And, if you haven’t already, please claim your free copy of 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband below.
Whatever you do from here, good luck!
With much manly love,
With much manly love,
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation... Over 2,000 in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation.