The 3+1 Separation Strategy is a powerful, simple and actionable outline of the strategy that I’ve seen the most men follow to get their wife back after separation. It’s three steps working towards one goal, all to give you the best chance possible at saving your marriage.
“Stephen, I know you can’t tell me an exact timeframe, but based on your experience, how much longer do you think this separation will last? How long ’til she comes back? How long until she pushes through the divorce?”
This is the question we’ll be answering on today’s episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast. We’ll look at the baseline average length of a separation, then we’ll look at seven factors that can influence how much longer you have in yours.
Not every story has a happy ending.
Or maybe, the happy ending isn’t always what we believe it will be.
That’s exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today’s episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experienced on his journey through marriage crisis.
In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife’s friend zone when you’re early in the separation… But what about when you’re beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation?
What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can’t seem to get those pesky “feelings” back?
That’s the subject of this week’s episode. We’ll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely renewed friendship with your wife back to a loving, happy marriage.
“Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I’m stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?” This is the question we’ll be answering on today’s episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast. I’ll tell you right now, I don’t particularly like the term “friend zone”, …
#18. Stuck In Your Wife’s “Friend Zone”? Here’s What To Do Read More »
Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they’d go together about as well as oil and water… What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval?
In this episode, we’re going to talk about three things…
The holidays can be tricky when you’re separated. Made worse by the fact that the new year is often a time where a separated wife may choose to move forward with divorce.
In this episode, I’ll share the 7 most common pieces of advice that I give men at this time of year. These are tips intended to help you stay stable, focused and confident as you navigate the last weeks of the year.
Today’s episode is in response to a recent question I got from a guy named JD. Basically, his wife is doing things that he feels are truly unacceptable, so his fear is that continuing to forgive her will simply enable her bad behavior.I love this question because it highlights two important concepts that often come …
#15 – How To Forgive Your Wife Through Broken Boundaries Read More »
Today we’ll answer 3 reader-submitted questions: one about communicating during separation, one about how to reconcile after YOU had an affair, and one about saying “I love you”
A recent personal experience highlights two reasons to choose to do what’s right even when the cost is steep.
Today we’ll talk in-depth about trust and 3 powerful ways you can rebuild it with your wife, even during separation.
How do you endure a separation that drags on for months on end? In today’s episode, I’m sharing the 5 most common reminders that I give to men who are in long-lasting separations.For example, how do you keep the ball rolling once the relationship starts to improve?How do you handle a wife that keeps bringing up …
#11 – 5 Reminders To Help Endure A Long-Lasting Separation Read More »
Over time, I’ve noticed that there tend to be four major stages between marriage and divorce… Today’s episode covers these stages in what I call the Separation Roadmap. It is an overview of each one of these stages with answers to a few key questions about each one.
Today we’ll be wrapping up the Get Your Wife Back With… series with a look at enforcing boundaries during separation. Learn how enforcing boundaries can be the thing that sparks your wife to change course and rethink leaving the marriage.
Can friendship pave the way back to a happy marriage?In the fourth episode of the Get Your Wife Back With… series, we’re looking at how to get your wife back with friendship. Seems simple on the surface, but we’ll talk about when it works best, signs that you’re doing it right, and a couple extra …
Learn how stepping up as a father can help rebuild connection in your marriage, even during separation.
In part 3 of the Get Your Wife Back With… series, we will examine the role of good parenting and how that can help bridge the gap of separation to find common ground with your wife.
In the second episode of our 5-part Get Your Wife Back With… series, we are taking a look at how to get your wife back with space. No, I don’t mean staring up at the stars together, I mean shifting your attitude towards distance in the relationship during separation.Most separated wives ask for space at …
The first of a five-part Get Your Wife Back With… series, in this episode we will talk about how to get your wife back with attraction.
Attraction – something we talk a lot about here on Husband Help Haven – is the feeling that creates a wanting from your wife for the marriage. Often, it’s one of the biggest things missing by the time a marriage hits the point of separation.
Why is trust the #1 thing we focus on throughout the 3+1 Separation Strategy?
Why is trust so important in rebuilding the foundation of a future happy marriage with your wife?
With self-control and self-improvement in place, we begin looking at how you can start showing your wife the man she could have if she stays.
The third and final step of the 3+1 Separation Strategy is where we harness the work of the first two steps in a way that begins improving your relationship with your wife.
The second step of the 3+1 Separation Strategy is all about self-improvement. With self-control firmly in place, we can harness that discipline to start making meaningful changes in you as a man, husband and father. In this episode, I’ll walk you through a few different ways you can pinpoint the type of man you want …
#02 – Separation Strategy Part 2: Become The Man You Want To Be Read More »
We’re kicking off the Husband Help Haven Podcast with an in-depth walk through of the 3+1 Separation Strategy.In this first episode, we’ll overview the strategy as a whole, where it came from and why I recommend it as a starting point for most men facing separation.Once we’ve over-viewed the strategy, we’ll finish the episode by …
#01 – 3+1 Separation Strategy Part 1: Stop The Desperation, Find Your Focus Read More »
Prefer to listen? Use the mp3 player above ^^Did you hope that your wife would put the separation on the backburner during quarantine? When the quarantine started, most separated men I talked to really hoped that this crisis would somehow pull their wife back to the marriage and bring the family back together.But, if you’re like …
Separation During Quarantine – Preserving Your Marriage When Life Gets (Very) Hard Read More »
With Valentine’s Day coming up, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from separated men who need help navigating the holiday of love. Usually the question goes like this: “My wife and I are separated… What should I do for Valentine’s Day? How do I pick a gift that shows I still care about her and haven’t given up on the marriage, but doesn’t pressure or smother her?”
Stephen, I’ve been making great progress on myself, but my wife doesn’t see it. Should I tell her about my changes? This has to be one of the most common questions I get on Husband Help Haven. Maybe you and your wife don’t live together anymore, so she rarely has an opportunity to see your …
Should I Tell My Separated Wife About My Changes? Read More »
I was a full-time freelance writer when I first started Husband Help Haven. The Haven was a personal passion project that I did not share with potential clients in my writing portfolio. One of my ongoing clients was a woman who owned a marketing agency. We’d met in-person several times (rare when you work online) and …
Is Husbandly Leadership Sexist? 6 Reasons I Confidently Say “No!” Read More »
Every year, over 800,000 couples will get divorced in the US alone. 69% of those divorces will be initiated by the wife, and only 30% of the husbands will see it coming. So, what’s a guy to do? … What Is Husbandly Leadership & Why Should You Care?Read More »
Divorce is one of the most painful experiences any person on this earth will endure. Especially if you’ve given it your all to save the marriage.
How do you heal as efficiently as possible after divorce? What if you’re not ready to give up hope on your old marriage? What common pitfalls make divorce recovery more difficult or painful?
Happy New Year everyone! Yesterday I shared my 2018 performance review, scoring myself across 4 key areas of my life. Today, I’m shifting gears to plan 2019. Specifically, in this post I’m going to be sharing my goals for Husband Help Haven in the year ahead. For the first time in 6 years, my wife …
Featured image: the kids at the birth center with Kalee and I right after Lyon’s birth, Oct. 25, 2018 It’s that time of year again, when no matter how much you tell yourself that January 1st is just another day, you still end up doing stereotypical year-end-review and New Year’s goal setting. I know it’s …
Review of 2018: How I Scored Myself in 4 Key Areas Read More »
Did you know that more marriages end after the holidays than any other time of year?
A Christmas divorce is every man’s worst nightmare, and yet many men are already facing the possibility of losing their marriage in the new year. For these men, what was supposed to be a time of family and love has become a time of confusion, pain and depression.
As you continue reading, we’re going to figure out why your wife wants a divorce after Christmas, and what you can do about it.
Things have been pretty quiet here at Husband Help Haven over the summer, so I figured this was a good time to go ahead and share a quick update about what’s been going on behind the scenes in the Waldo home. I’ll tell you up front, all is well! Just busy life as usual, with …
Mid-2018 Personal Update: Pregnancy, Foster Care, New Course Read More »
Do you want to know how to romance your wife? Do you want to rekindle your marriage to burn even more passionately than before? Learn what you’re doing wrong here!
Are you looking for the exact thing to say to get your wife to stay in the marriage? How do you get her to believe what you already know — that the marriage can make her happier than divorce, if she would just put in the work with you? Before I tell you the answer, I’d like to ask you a question…
Studies show that when both spouses are motivated to go to marriage counseling, the relationship is very likely to improve with the right counselor. This means marriage counseling doesn’t work very well as a last resort, but it is an effective tool for couples who know they need help. By the time you finish reading this post, you’ll feel inspired to commit to marriage counseling, and you’ll know exactly how to get the most relationship improvement possible from each counseling session.
All marriage counselors are not created equal.
If you want a better marriage, you NEED due diligence when choosing a counselor. You can’t afford to pick the wrong counselor because every session counts.
Through my experience talking with 1,700+ men going through separation, I’ve seen a lot of men try marriage counseling. Some had a great experience, others found that counseling only made things worse. Plus, my wife and I did some counseling last year, so I have personal experience with this.
As you continue reading, you’ll find everything I’ve learned about finding a good marriage counselor.
Does marriage counseling work? Yes, but not for everyone. Get detailed marriage counseling success statistics, plus a simple 3-question quiz to show you whether your marriage is one of the ones that counseling can help.
My wife had postpartum depression, and it was the first time in my marriage that I really felt like a problem was out of my league. I went through so much painful trial and error until we finally saw a counselor who had experience with PPD. Only then was I confident that I was helping my wife survive PPD to the best of my ability. I’d like to help you skip all that… I’m going to teach you everything I wish I’d known when all this started. This post is divided up into two main parts.
I still remember how hard it was. I remember how painful it was for my wife. Those first 14 months of Eden’s life were some of the most difficult months of our lives. My wife was struggling with postpartum depression, but we had no idea. As soon as my wife figured out that she had PPD, it was like a light at the end of the tunnel. We had hope again.
Normally when you read a post like this, you’ll hear about all the awesome things that happened in the past year, how great it was and how many things went right. I’m going to be completely honest with you guys:This year sucked. Big time. My wife and I faced more trial, failure and loss this year than …
Let’s step away from the divorce strategy talk for a moment. Let’s assume you’ve done your due diligence, you’ve talked to a lawyer, and you’ve done the move out checklist… At the very least, you are prepared for the worst-case scenario. You know the risk. Now let’s talk about the rewards… What are the potential benefits of moving out?
There is a reason that most divorce attorneys will tell you to stay in the marital home as long as possible. Moving out can have big consequences in your divorce, which I’ve categorized in 5 key areas. The good news is that if you plan ahead and do things right, you can protect yourself from a lot of these risks. As you continue reading, we’re going to look at each of these areas of risk, and what you need to do to safeguard yourself.
You’ve made positive changes as a man, and you’re a better husband than the day your wife left. The problem is, your wife can’t see any of it because she won’t see you or communicate with you. And if you do see her, she gives you the cold shoulder. How do you show your wife your changes if you live apart and she won’t communicate?
One of the hardest obstacles to overcome in a separation are friends and family who actively encourage divorce. Here are two things you can do to help your wife tune out the bad influences and start seeing things clearly.
My wife asked for a divorce and has moved in with her parents. She says it’s because she doesn’t love me anymore. She sees me as her best friend and says that’s the biggest reason why our sex life became horrible over the past couple years. How do I get out of the “friend zone” and become someone she wants to be intimate with again?
My wife and I are separated and she has taken off her wedding ring. I still wear mine because I am committed to fighting for our marriage. Should I take my ring off to try and relieve pressure on her? Or is it better to keep it on to show her I want the marriage to work?
In this post I’ll cover the four major goals that I hope to accomplish on the Haven by the end of 2017.
Learn about a new free resource I’ve just published on Husband Help Haven. Plus, get an inside look at what’s been going on behind the scenes in my personal life over the past 7 months; there have been 3 major changes in my family’s life.
Happy Father’s Day! I wanted to write you this letter for a couple reasons. First, because it’s Father’s Day and this is a good time to talk about the role you’ve had in my life.
Second, because I finally sent you a copy of MMR a few weeks ago, and I think there are some things that need to be cleared up. Read on to see how you’ve shaped my life.
A wife who does not feel heard will never feel loved. Every wife wants to feel heard. Many times, especially in a purely “loss of love” driven separation, her decision to leave will revolve around her increased belief that she will NEVER be heard inside the marriage. Read on to learn how to start truly hearing your wife.
No husband is ever prepared for his wife to want out of the marriage. Learn the four most common mistakes men make when trying to get their wife back, followed by the three leadership strategies I’ve seen the most men use to save their marriage.
What’s the very first thing you MUST do to get your wife back? Let her go. I know, it sounds backwards, but this mindset actually puts you in a win-win position. Read more to learn why you need this mindset and how to start using it in your marriage today.
Last week, I asked the husbands Inside the Haven to share their single biggest struggle in their separation. Over 150 men submitted their separation questions. These are the results, organized by topic. See what other men on Husband Help Haven are struggling with too. (most of these will be answered in the separation book)
I was looking in the mirror this morning and I realized something: I’m getting fat. I’m not saying I need to book two airplane seats or anything. My wife still tells me I’m handsome. The problem is, that always-critical scale tells me I’ve slapped on 45 lbs over the past five years. What’s this have to do with your marriage? Find out below.
Why is your wife going through a midlife crisis? In six years, seeing hundreds and hundreds of MLCs has taught me that there is one single underlying reason behind every midlife crisis in a marriage.
If it feels like your wife is determined to push away from the marriage… If she’s decided that there’s NO WAY the marriage can make her happy, she may be going through a midlife crisis.
Your wife is distant, maybe even separated, but you still want to celebrate Valentine’s Day. How can you show her you love her without pushing her away?
In this week’s Reader Question, we talk about what to do when your wife is constantly negative, disrespectful and mean to you, even when she has no good reason. You’ll learn two steps you should take, and what your goal should be as a husband when your wife is always mean.
Dear Stephen,My wife and I started dating when she was 16 and I was 18. We got married when she was 20 and started our family at a young age. My wife is a great woman and has been a stay-at-home mom for the last 14 years.The problem is now that our youngest child is …
My Stay-at-Home Wife Feels Like She Wasted Her Life (and now she wants out) Read More »
In almost all of the separations, affairs and divorces I’ve seen in my years running Husband Help Haven, at least one of these 9 ‘things’ is missing from the marriage.
Reader Question: “My wife is having an emotional affair with her so-called “best friend’s” husband, and now she says she’s done with the marriage. What do I do?”
Reader question: “I found out that my wife cheated on me about a month ago and that she’s been sexting other men for about a year, but she doesn’t know I have proof…”
For many years I’ve tried to explain why leadership is crucial, both in enjoying happy marriages and repairing damaged ones. I’ve struggled to explain how exactly it relates to the other elements that are really and truly required in a marriage, like love and trust and forgiveness.
The bossy, nagging wife is a classic American stereotype. It can be found in just about every family sitcom of the past 50 years. Unfortunately, many men find it a harshly realistic stereotype that’s coming true in their marriage. If this is you…You probably feel like your wife is always criticizing you, or like you can …
The Real Reason Your Wife is Bossy (and what you can do about it) Read More »
It’s finally happened… Your son got curious about naked women and searched for dirty pictures online. Maybe you came home to find his search still in the search bar… Maybe you got a surprisingly inappropriate pop up… Maybe you needed to use his laptop or phone and found inappropriate links in his browsing history… Either way, you need to know what to do from here.
Knowing what to expect when you’re going through porn addiction withdrawal is crucial to fighting temptation. When you understand what your body is going to throw at you, it’s a lot easier to say, “This is normal and I just have to get through it.”
Did you know that erectile dysfunction is the most common reason that young men decide to stop looking at porn? And this isn’t any normal ED we’re talking about either… ED from Internet porn addiction is completely untreatable. Learn other surprisingly common porn addiction symptoms here.
Being addicted to porn is just like being addicted to drugs or alcohol. So, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that most men won’t let themselves admit they’re addicted. Denial is a strong state of mind! Chances are, if you’ve ever actually asked yourself, “Am I addicted to porn,” the answer is probably yes.
Porn is harmless, right? Just a little private pleasure; something you can do on the side without making any sacrifice. How many other men tell themselves the same thing? As you read through the statistics below, you’ll know.
You can solve marriage problems faster and easier when you use this straightforward three-step thought process to help you make the right decisions. It all started when I got into a fight with my wife this weekend. See how the fight started and what I did to solve it as you continue reading below.
Are you having an emotional affair? Or maybe you suspect that your spouse is. Either way, this 15 question emotional affair quiz will reveal the truth.
Figuring out how to forgive an emotional affair is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. Here are 9 simple tips to make it easier.
If you need to know how to and an emotional affair completely and permanently, then this simple step-by-step guide will show you exactly how to do it.
Struggling to survive an emotional affair? Are her feelings for another man driving you crazy? Get 6 steps to cope with the frustration, guilt and loneliness.
Have you ever suspected that your wife is in love with another man? Learn the most common emotional affair signs that tell you where her heart truly lies.
What is an emotional affair? How is it defined? Is it worse than a physical affair? How does platonic friendship turn into emotional infidelity?
Ask anyone: Better communication will save your marriage and get your wife back…Right? If this is what you think, read this article to learn the shocking truth. It’s not quite that easy!
Are you struggling to talk to your wife now that she’s told you she wants to leave? Do still you want to save your marriage, with or without her help? Read more here…
Does your wife want to leave you? Do you know why? If you’re not completely sure, then read this article to learn the REAL reason your wife is leaving you.
Is your wife threatening to leave? Then you need advice to turn your marriage around fast. Read on to learn what’s keeping you from the marriage of your dreams.
Do you feel like your marriage is slipping away? Is there a numb distance between you and your wife? Learn what trait is missing from your marriage, and how to get it back. Don’t let your marriage destroy itself!
Wondering what you can give your wife to make her happy? Looking for that perfect gift? Learn 9 gifts proven to make your wife happy and keep your marriage fun.
What’s the average cost of marriage counseling? Learn (A) the cost of marriage counseling, (B) how many sessions, and (C) is it marriage counseling worth it?
Discover the most common signs your wife wants a divorce so that you can start (A) saving your marriage or (B) preparing for divorce.
Is your wife leaving because you lost your job? Learn what this means for your marriage and what you can do about it, even before you get a new job.
You Need Divorce Advice for Men? Discover 9 Powerful Tips to Come Out on Top (A) Emotionally, (B) Mentally, and (C) Physically When You Divorce Your Wife.
Do you need to know how to handle a wife leaving her husband and kids? Learn what your kids need from you after she leaves, and how to give it to them.
Do you want to know the average cost of divorcing your wife? Discover the important factors that affect how much divorce will cost you here.
Discover the pros and cons of selling the house before the divorce, selling your house after the divorce, and which option makes more sense for you.
“My wife wants divorce and I don’t, how can I get her back?” Learn why she’s leaving and how to save your marriage here.
“My wife caught me looking at porn, and now she wants a divorce…What should I do?” Learn how to get your wife back.
Do you want to know how to get your ex wife back and rebuild your marriage – The right way – From the ground up? Learn 7 rules to follow, here.
Do you want to know how to tell your wife you want divorce? Learn what to say, how to say it, and when. 7 secrets you should know before divorcing your wife.
Do you want to know how to show your wife you love her? Learn 25 surefire ways to show love to your wife and build a happier marriage for both of you!
Is my wife lying to me? Learn why she’s lying, why it’s okay for you to be suspicious, and 5 ways you can catch a lying wife red-handed.
“I don’t know how to get over my wife’s affair, I can’t stop thinking about how deeply she hurt me, and how she’s betrayed my trust.” Learn how to move forward.
Do you want to know how to forgive a cheating wife when forgiveness seems impossible? Let me take you step by step through what you can do to forgive cheating.
Discover how to argue with your wife in a way that promotes a strong and passionate marriage. Learn the right way to communicate problems with your wife!
Discover the top 8 most common signs of a cheating wife; learn exactly what to look for if your wife is having an affair…See if any of these ring a bell!
“Why did my wife cheat on me…If I knew, maybe forgiveness would be easier.” Learn the top 3 reasons why women cheat on their husbands in the 21st century.
