How NOT to Save Your Marriage – Don’t Make These Mistakes

by Stephen Waldo

How Not to Save Your Marriage

How Not to Save Your MarriageMen have bad habits.

Men make mistakes.

No surprises there, right?

Unfortunately, I’ve seen many husbands who could have saved their marriage, but they made one critical mistake that cost them divorce.

As you continue reading this article, I’m going to walk you through five critical mistakes that you absolutely cannot make.

I’m sure you realize by now that if your marriage is on the rocks, you’re walking on egg shells. Any day could be the day that your wife brings up divorce (if she hasn’t already).

Right now you are holding a loaded handgun, and if you’re not careful you will shoot yourself in the foot. Many men before you have made these mistakes that I’m about to share with you.

Please, don’t be one of them.

You’re going to learn how NOT to save your marriage before you learn how to save it.

Play the Blame Game

One way to quickly bury your marriage is to get caught up in the Blame Game.

Let’s face it, nobody likes to admit when they’re wrong. If you’re anything like me, then you are naturally inclined to blame your wife when things go wrong.

You might say things like, “she started pulling away,” or “she’s too demanding,” or “she’s always looking for a fight.” Any one of these statements may be perfectly true.

When you play the Blame Game, you force yourself to lose objectivity. The Blame Game takes away your ability to empathize with your wife.

I’m sure your wife has screwed up. But I’m just as sure that YOU screwed up, too.

Finding out who’s responsible for your marriage problems doesn’t actually do anything to fix them. Even if every problem in your marriage is 100% your wife’s fault, so what? You still need to save your marriage; that objective hasn’t changed.

So, skip the blame game unless you’re analyzing your own mistakes for the purpose of getting your wife back.

Be a Negative Nancy

As a guy who has struggled with depression, believe me when I tell you that I know how bad it feels when love between two people starts to fracture.

The realization that your wife doesn’t love you the way she used to is emotionally devastating. There’s no two ways about it.

I wish that I could tell you things will magically be better soon, but I would be lying.

As the man, YOU are responsible for setting the tone of your marriage.

I’m sure you realize that women are very good at picking up on feelings and energy, and that your wife is greatly affected by the way you feel.

In other words, when you sink into negativity and hopelessness, your wife doesn’t just see it, she feels it. Conversely, when you maintain a good attitude of leadership, your wife feels that, too.

Be a positive Pauly, not a negative Nancy.

Show Your Wife How Desperate You Are

I know how badly you want a happy marriage . I know how hotly you crave the love of your wife. I know that you are desperate to turn things around.


You cannot show your wife any hint of desperation. Part of being a good husbandly leader is being confident in your relationship. A desperate man can’t lead anyone, especially his wife.

Even when you have nothing to be confident about, you need to show your wife that you whole heartedly believe everything will be okay. It’s your job to be the strong one, both physically and emotionally.

One of the biggest turnoffs for a woman is to see a man beg.

If you show your wife how desperate you are to have her love, you will only push her further away.

Make Her Go to Marriage Counseling

It may be surprising to learn that marriage counseling is a mistake.

Above all the other ways NOT to save your marriage that you’ve learned about so far in this article, this is the one that probably makes the least amount of sense to you.

Here’s why marriage counseling will have no effect on your marriage:

Women are incapable of putting legitimate effort towards something that they don’t want to do.

I’m not trying to sound sexist. Certainly the same thing could be said of most men, but I’ve found it to be especially true with women.

Even if you get your wife to see a marriage counselor she won’t get anything out of it. She may go through the motions, so to speak, but when push comes to shove her and your marriage will still be broken.

Marriage counseling is only effective when both husband and wife are 100% on-board with the plan. Even then, you have to find a good marriage counselor, and there actually aren’t that many.

Give up Hope

Last, but not least, the best way to make sure your marriage never re-ignites is to stop trying to catch it on fire.

Love is war, and you can’t win if you throw in the towel.

Keep fighting for your marriage. Rally your inner manly man for the hard battles ahead.

Above all, never give up hope.

We’ve already talked about how negativity is perceived by your wife, and how your bad attitude can rub off on her. The same is true for hopelessness; it rubs off.

But even more importantly, you need to understand that you are the only one that can save your marriage. It’s do or die.

If you give up hope for your marriage, you may as well file for divorce right now, because you’ve already lost.

Be hopeful!

I promise you that no matter how bad things are right now, it’s not too late to save your marriage. Trust me, relationships have come back from worse.

The secret to getting your wife back is getting your Self back. You need to become the type of leader for your wife that all husbands are meant to be. Reclaim your manhood, and in doing so you will reclaim your marriage.

I encourage you to check out 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband, and feel free to browse around Husband Help Haven for some more manly advice.

Image credit: Stuart Miles @

Stephen Waldo

Hi! My name is Stephen. I’m the guy behind Husband Help Haven. My mission here is to help as many men as possible become the best husbands they can be, and save as many marriages as possible along the way. Even though I’m not a marriage counselor, I want to encourage men everywhere to become better husbands, fathers and leaders. Full author bio