“Do you want to know how to love your wife? Do you want to fulfill your husbandly obligations and develop a healthy and happy marriage?”
The song goes “This is a man’s world”, but what really is the world of men? Men are trained to be hard S.O.B.s that don’t feel anything and can endure the darkest emotional moments without cracking.
Most men feel that showing their true feelings is a sign of weakness, and that being ‘tough’ is what it takes to be a real man. If you have a bad day, you do your best not to show it.
Is this paradigm correct, or is it simply a means to weaken men, marriages and husbands?
The more you ignore your emotions and your feelings, the less in power you’ll be, and the harder it’ll become to model genuine enduring love for your wife.
“A real man can embrace his emotions fearlessly, and he learns to be their master. The weak man is he who shuns himself from all emotion, and becomes the slave of it.” – Unknown Poet
How to Love Your Wife? How to Love Yourself?
Two Questions, One Answer
As you learn how to love your wife, you’re also going to learn how to love yourself… It’s only natural.
Because you’re not really learning how to love your wife… You’re learning what love is, what it means, and how to express it. In addition to helping you build a love that lasts with your wife, this naturally carries over into your own self-confidence.
If you don’t mind me getting metaphysical for a moment here, there’s an involuntary journey forced onto every single person on this planet, and that is the journey of self-discovery and truth. As you grow older, you’re faced with different opportunities and challenges that shape the way you perceive yourself and the world around you.
Very few men embrace this journey of self-discovery for one main reason; fear of the unknown.
“Very few men truly ever know themselves. Very few men truly ever know love.” – Unknown Source
The journey ‘within’ is a roller-coaster ride with lots of ups and downs. Most people don’t mind the ups, but they dread the downs… The ‘downs’ will hammer on that rock hard heart of yours until it breaks and reveals who you really are.
Unfortunately, because of the inherent difficulty that comes with learning how to love (and because of how feminine it sounds), many men decide to avoid this journey altogether. If you’re like most men, then you…
- Have a nasty habit of closing down your heart, making it impossible to learn how to show your wife you love her
- Focus on work and forget about everything else, wife included. When you get home from work, you shut down and watch TV, or just generally withdraw from your wife
- Never actively pursue joy in your marriage; you’d rather go where it’s easy, like getting drinks with your buddies or looking at porn
Unfortunately, this behavior leads most men to feel unsatisfied at the end of their lives. Most men never truly live because they never learn how to love unconditionally; they never learn how to find joy in a lifelong commitment to their wife.
Most men only ever view marriage as a prison-like commitment, and so deep down they live unfulfilled.
Let me make this clear:
Unless you can learn how to love your wife, you’re doomed to an unhappy existence. Sounds heavy, but it’s the truth. There will be many hills to climb and many battles to win, but in the end it will all be worth it.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Only Half a Man
Make a Commitment to Learn How to Be Romantic to Your Wife
When you married your wife, you made a commitment before man and God that you’d love your wife with a love that lasts forever. That night, you made love to your wife to consummate that commitment through deep, unparalleled sexual connection.
Since that fateful night, you’ve either continued with your promise by loving your wife unconditionally, more and more each day, or – and this is what most men do – you’ve failed in that promise by letting life get in the way, or by loving yourself above your wife.
Do you know why men have heart attacks more often than women? It’s at least partially because women are more connected to their emotions and vent their frustrations more freely. Your average man, on the other hand, prefers to push down his feelings until an artery pops and he bleeds to death.
It’s better to learn to express your emotions than bottle them up; not only will you be happier, you’ll live longer too. Everyone needs to unwind their emotional pressure.
3 Methods to Identify & Express True Love for Your Wife
You’ll begin to realize how you REALLY feel about your wife when you begin to embark on the journey of self discovery. Most men know that ‘something’ inside the marriage is wrong, but have no idea what that ‘something’ is.
Method 1 – Clear Your Head
A good method to start with is this: sit down and simply write out how you feel about your wife, no holds barred. Say anything and everything on your mind. Follow every rabbit hole. This is for you and you alone, so can say whatever you want, however you want to say it. Just get it all out there.
Method 2 – Make Emotional Connections
Create a mind map of which emotions are connected with each other. Try to brainstorm the most common causes and effects of the different dominating emotions in your life write now.
Here are a few examples of what I mean:
- When you get angry, do you soon find yourself depressed? Why? What causes it? How do you handle it? What does your wife see from you when you feel this way?
- When you’re stressed, do you frequently feel empty or hopeless? Why?
- What state of mind are you in when you’re most satisfied with your marriage?
- What state of mind are you in when you’re least satisfied with your marriage?
- To be the best husband you can be, you have to love your wife sacrificially… What emotions, thoughts or excuses are keeping you from doing that?
As you answer these questions and ponder your own emotional ties, you’ll realize that complex emotions are basically a bunch of simpler emotions mashed together. By making a ‘map’ of how you feel, it’ll make it easier for you to explain yourself to your wife the next time you get angry, upset, depressed or hopeless.
Method 3 – Embrace Open Communication
This might be the single most important thing to take away from this article… Be honest when you’re talking to your wife, but don’t be harsh and don’t rely on open communication to save your marriage. Use common sense.
There’s honesty and there’s honesty; be considerate, but don’t be afraid to bring up subjects that might make her upset. Even if things seem rough right now, things will turn out much better in the long run if you’re transparent.
Method 4 – Seek Opportunities for Affection
Last but not least, actively look for ways to appreciate your wife. Loving your wife should never be passive; always stay on your toes and keep courting your wife. Keep her pleasure in your mind. Don’t make it what determines your self worth, but do make it a priority.
Remember, the fuel of a happy marriage is love. When you actively love your wife and she actively loves you, things are good.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, and if you actually put in the effort to learn how to love your wife, how to show her you do, and how to find contentment in your life, then you’ll soon be happier and your marriage will be stronger for it. Now, go make love to your wife, throw yourself into her, sanctify her, and explore the endless ways you can love her as fully as possible. Remember that the more you give, the more you get!
I truly hope that you’ve enjoyed this article. If you have any more questions, I encourage you to join hundreds of other men Inside the Haven.
Either way, thanks for reading, and best of luck learning how to love your wife!
With much manly love,
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation... Over 2,000 in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation. Read more here