We communicate on a daily basis. Whether at work or at home, clean communication is a skill that we’re constantly practicing with the people around us, even if we don’t know it.
And yet, even with all this practice, many of us find it excruciatingly difficult to express ourselves to our wives…Why?
As you continue reading, we’ll skip the therapeutic mumbo-jumbo like body language, empathetic listening and other communication skills, and instead focus on man-to-man advice for talking to your wife.
How to Communicate With Your Wife
Despite (or maybe because of) the constant communication we experience everyday – both online and offline – we’re conditioned to one-way conversations.
Think about it for a second – every email, tweet, text message, and advertisement is sending you a message, yet you never talk to the person communicating with you. We have endless tools to avoid real conversation, and most of us guys will use them liberally.
Whether it’s the age we live in or just our gender in general, many men have lost the ability to speak from the heart, which makes it difficult to romance your wife. I’m talking about myself here too; it’s incredibly difficult to speak candidly with my wife, especially if what I want to say is negative. And that’s when I even know what I want to say at all.
I’m guessing you’re the same way. So, here are a few tips to help you with some of the hardest parts of honest communication.
Expressing Negative Feelings
A lot of times we’re guilty of putting our own interpretation into every thing our wife says… If she says something even remotely harsh, or something that doesn’t fit into our reasoning, we can easily get offended, upset and even angry.
We must understand that not everything is a personal attack, even if it seems that way to us. When you feel that defensive urge start to boil up, just step back and ask yourself why you’re getting worked up, and if you’re handling it the best way possible.
It’s good to speak your mind, but getting frustrated or having an “attack” mentality won’t do you any favors. Anger rarely brings true resolution.
Admitting When You’re Wrong
Many men will get into situations where they know they’re wrong, but they still defend their poor decision-making all the way to the grave.
Guess what?
You’re not perfect and you shouldn’t try to pretend like you are. You don’t know everything, so accept that you’re not always right. It’s okay to be wrong!
If you can’t admit when you’re wrong, you have a pride problem. I’m guessing that you probably struggle with low self-esteem sometimes, which is just another manifestation of pride. I’m speaking from experience on this one – I constantly battle my own prideful ways as a husband and a man.
A man who is truly confidant and truly a leader can admit when he’s wrong. I’m not saying it’s fun to be wrong, I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be surprised when you are.
Don’t Let Anything Fester
Do you have communication problems with your buddies?
Why not?
Because you don’t care that you might hurt their feelings or say the wrong thing. Similarly, even when they say something harsh, it doesn’t take you long to brush it off and get back to normal.
Why doesn’t this happen with your wife?
The answer is obvious. Your wife isn’t your best friend. You’re not open with her, you don’t feel free with her, and you don’t trust her to forgive you. Or maybe she doesn’t trust you. Either way, things are left unsaid, and this means your problems fester.
Most married men and women automatically assume that they’re the only one with negative feelings. They never consider that an honest conversation would reveal just the opposite – that you both have problems, and that work needs to be done on both parts for it to be better.
As long as you or your wife feels entitled, you’ll continue to drift apart.
Stop guessing. Figure out where your separation actually stands.
If your wife wants out, wants space, is planning to move out, already moved out, or has filed for divorce — the right next step is different in each stage.
I put together a free Separation Roadmap to help you identify where you are, understand what is likely going on, and avoid the mistakes that make things worse.
Free. Practical. Built for men saving their marriage.
Mending the Drift: Where to Go From Here
Even if you never master the art of effective communication, I have good news for you:
Good communication won’t save your marriage.
Being a better husband is your best hope of saving your marriage, and actions speak much louder than words on that front.
I know you still have a couple questions, so browse around Husband Help Haven to find the answers you seek.
Whatever you decide to do from here, good luck!
With much manly love,
– Stephen