How to Get Over My Wife’s Affair

by Stephen Waldo

“I need to know how to get over my wife’s affair…The thought of her with another man is breaking my heart. I find myself wondering how I will ever love my unfaithful wife…Is there any hope for my marriage, or is my relationship with my wife doomed to ruin?

How do I disinfect my marriage after my wife’s adultery?”

If you’ve recently discovered that your worst nightmare has come true – that the absolute most painful thing that can happen in a marriage has just happened – then you must have just found out about your wife’s affair. The emotions and thoughts inside of you are threatening to rip their way out of your heart at any moment.

In fact I’d be willing to bet that every second that you sit here reading this article is DIFFICULT because the thought of your wife cheating on you is such a tender subject. I get it, I’ve been cheated on before (although it was a long-time girlfriend that cheated on me, not my wife) so I know a little about what it’s like. Nobody should ever have to imagine your wife having sex with someone else, or struggle with images like that. And yet, that’s the experience of so many men.

Here’s a general overview of what we’ll be covering in this article about ‘how to get over my cheating wife’:

  1. When is it best to move on after your wife cheated on you?
  2. Is your wife still the woman you married?
  3. Learning to love a woman who isn’t perfect

But, before we do any of that, I highly recommend you take 2 minutes to go through this quiz and learn how severe your wife’s affair was, relative to other men I’ve seen:

What Does The Other Relationship Mean For Your Marriage?


13 Questions. 
3 Minutes.
Affair Rating + Advice.

Take The Quiz

Once you’ve done that, come back and face the hard question:

Are You Man Enough to Survive Your Wife’s Affair?

I won’t lie to you: getting over her affair is going to take both time and effort on your part, but I’m going to do my best to make things easy for you. After all, unfaithfulness in any form is something that can easily destroy even the healthiest of marriages – It’s going to be an uphill battle.

It’s actually kind of astonishing; I mean just think how much your marriage has changed forever, all because of that ONE moment where you found out that your wife is cheating on you. That ONE realization was enough to send shock waves through the foundation of what you thought was a happy marriage. You’re certainly not the first man to wonder “how to get over my wife’s affair”, and many that do never fully forgive their wife for cheating.

Do You Truly Want to Save Your Marriage, Or Are You Ready to Part Ways?

Another question men often ask themselves is whether or not they even WANT to save a marriage after being wronged so completely by their wives.

It’s a legitimate question, and one that you should answer fully before trying to figure out how to forgive your cheating wife. If you already know in your gut that you’ll never be able to love or forgive your wife, then it’s better to cut loose than pursue a lost cause that’ll just make it worse for both of you.

This is especially true in the “Once a cheater, always a cheater” type relationship, where your wife has been cheating on you for a while, and either can’t or won’t stop meeting her lover. Since your wife has made the decision to cheat on you, you should know that it will be much easier for her to cheat on you again in the future.

When things get bad in your marriage, and even the best marriages have rough patches, then you’ll likely find yourself wondering whether or not your wife is still remaining faithful. That won’t change from now on…You’ll have to work hard to rebuild trust with your wife.

Is Your Wife Still the Woman You Married?

Why do you think your wife cheated on you? Do you think that your wife has stopped loving you and that’s the cause of her affair?

I mean, you know that YOU are still the man she married, at least as far as you know. You need to ask yourself this question and answer honestly: Do you still love your wife? Do you believe she still loves you even though she’s been weak?

Make sure you’re looking past the tumultuous emotions that are currently battering your mind…Try and distance yourself from her affair and see things objectively, or from the big picture.

If you DO still love and believe in your wife, then it’s probably best to think of your wife’s affair as a mistake. She is only human, and everyone who’s ever been married has gone through temptation in some form (but not everybody gives into it). If your wife cheated on you then you can just chalk that up as one of her many mistakes.

I’m willing to bet that you’ve made a few mistakes in your day as well?

It’s often tempting in a marriage to assume that a healthy marriage is one where neither partner ever commits a sin, but the fact of the matter is that very few marriages work that way. In fact, I would guess that there’s NEVER been a marriage where both people were happy the entire time. At least not happy in the typical sense…Even when you’re mad or even disgusted with your spouse, you can be happy that you have someone to experience life with, a partner that you can count on and that, when all is said and done, you can (hopefully) still have love.

But this is something we often forget when we’re married. We always want perfection at any cost. You do; your wife does; everyone does.

I’m sure you used to think that your wife was some sort of goddess immune to the sins of man, but she cheated and now you realize that, just like you, she’s only human. And as a human, there will be times where she not only fails to live up to your expectations, but actively disappoints you as well.

Now, obviously I’m not trying to make an excuse for your wife, but I am saying that if you want to save your marriage you’re going to have to recognize that she has faults just like you do. You’re going to have to forgive her faults, live with her faults, and accept her faults as you accept your own.

Do You Think You Can Love a Wife Who Isn’t Perfect?

If you can, and your wife is willing to do the same for you (if your wife won’t stop cheating, that’s a good sign you should be moving on), then I can promise that it’s only a matter of time before you and your wife are back on solid ground again.

In fact, I’ve seen more than a few couples who’ve come back from an affair with a stronger, healthier marriage than they’ve ever had before!

Sometimes infidelity can force you to confront and resolve hidden problems that have been plaguing your marriage in the background for years…Even if you didn’t know it!

If you can control your emotional response to her affair and stop your mind and heart from living in the past, and force yourself to look forward to a bright new future, then I can promise you that in time your relationship will work. The only way for this to happen, though, is if you’re very careful not to let the issues of your OLD marriage corrupt your NEW marriage. You need to make an effort to forgive her and then let old graves lie still, as they say.

If you feel the need to initiate an argument with your wife over something from the past, make sure you think long and hard before beginning a confrontation, and when you’re arguing make sure you’re actually looking for a solution and not just reasons to yell and fuss at your wife, or to make her feel guilty for cheating on you.

This is one of the keys to overcoming infidelity that many people fail at…They can’t help but start fights because they feel the need to get even with their wives, and it comes back to bite them in the butt. Don’t let this be you!

“How Do I Forgive My Wife for Cheating”

I can tell you right now that 9 times out of 10, when dealing with infidelity and the many confrontations that it can lead to, it’s better to let the sleeping dog lie until you have a clear solution or plan of action already outlined in your head.

If you believe that your marriage can be saved, and you’re willing to do everything possible to get your wife back, then it’s time for you to take action.

What Does The Other Relationship Mean For Your Marriage?


13 Questions. 
3 Minutes.
Affair Rating + Advice.

Take The Quiz

Whatever you decide to do from here, good luck. You’re free to browse around Husband Help Haven for some more guidance and advice. You should also check out my free ebook, 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband by scrolling up this page and looking to your right.

I know you’ll be able to find the answer to “how to get over my wife’s affair” with a little time and a lot of work…Just don’t lose sight of your end goal!

Thanks for reading, and best of luck!

Much Manly Love,
– Stephen

Stephen Waldo

Hi! My name is Stephen. I’m the guy behind Husband Help Haven. My mission here is to help as many men as possible become the best husbands they can be, and save as many marriages as possible along the way. Even though I’m not a marriage counselor, I want to encourage men everywhere to become better husbands, fathers and leaders. Full author bio


  • Dave, you make a lot of sense, you are syraight to the point and you knew what you had to do.
    Now it’s been 2 yrs are over it?
    Are you back with your wife?
    Did you want to know who it was?
    I am going through what you did right now
    I hope thIngs worked out for you and your family.

    • ganesh kumar

      Hi Chris

      I saw your reply, its recent hence talking to you at 2:38am sleeping on sofa in living room while wife is in bedroom, you guessed it, she cheated on me.

      We recently got married, however, just a week after marriage, i found out she had sex with a guy from her previous work place a month after i asked her to marry me. She said yes obviously so when she cheated on me she was my fiance. Now we are married and there is another problem, she is expecting. I had a massive fight obviously and she said she only did it once she is sorry and now she is faithful and we should move on and baby is definitely mine. I am fighting with myself every day to forgive and forget and continue to love her. I will be honest i still love her and care for her, but every now and then when i see her I remember what she did and the thought revolts me. We used to have sex very often now its gone to once a month sometimes not even that. She is loving caring funny extremely beautiful but she is also a lier and a cheater. I dont know what to do, to be honest and if we werent married or she wasn’t expecting i would simply leave hoping that with time i would get over love of my life and be happy again. Now we are married and she is expecting but i just cant forget or forgive. Sometimes i just sit there quietly like a robot, other times i pretend its all normal. When I actually forget and we are happy suddenly i remember and then i go quiet again, its been 6 months now its been like this, what should i do? She really broke my heart i didnt deserve it, cheating (sex) is not a mistake, its a conscious choice, i wouldn’t do that to her then why she didnt care for me enough to say no to her temptation, wait i know why… answered my own question, because she doesn’t love me as much as i love her or care for her. Wow! That bloody hurts doesn’t it, what should i do tell me?

      • Still Trying

        Wow, this is exactly how I feel. I think your last statement is spot-on. “She doesn’t love me as much as i love her” This is exactly what I’m dealing with now. In my case it’s different, there are no kids and no marriage, it is an engagement only. But it is still very difficult. My first reaction was to try to make it work, but I’ve been wondering why she is so quiet and doesn’t seem to offer anything. I think it is exactly what you said. Because I love her so much, I just want to believe she must love me too, of course, right? But reality is a slap to the face sometimes and, even if she doesn’t love, she would still be unable perhaps, to admit it openly and would rather leave it ambiguous and unsaid to avoid more guilt of hurting the one she no longer loves. Pretty messed up, isn’t it?

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