“Things have been rough lately; my wife is leaving me because I lost my job, and now everything in my life is falling apart. I have no idea what to do… Help!”
I got this email the other day, and sadly it isn’t the first time.
If this is you, life hasn’t been kind to you lately. Maybe things have been bad at home for a while. Maybe they haven’t. Either way, you lost your job and now your wife is threatening to leave, too.
What did you do to deserve this?
Why does it feel like everything solid in your life has suddenly turned into hot air?
As you continue reading this article, you’re going to learn how to get your head on straight. By the time you’re done, you’ll be a stronger man, a happier man, and an all-around manlier man.
You Lost Your Job
Now You Might Lose Your Wife
I know that things are really difficult for you right now. Unfortunately, they’re not going to get any easier. But, you can get stronger.
First, recognize that this is supposed to be stressful. If it didn’t feel like too much to handle, something would be wrong. You’re not going crazy.
Even though the recession is technically on the upswing, the economy is still very tough right now. Frankly, making a decent living isn’t easy… Providing for your family has never been harder, especially without your wife’s support.
Recognize that you can’t see things clearly right now. You need help, and that’s okay! That’s why Husband Help Haven exists. So, let me lay it out very clearly for you:
You need to stay strong. Let’s start by defining what that doesn’t mean:
- Being strong doesn’t mean being emotionless.
- It doesn’t mean turning cold and apathetic towards your family.
Now let’s look at what husbandly strength does mean:
- Being strong does mean that you hold onto your dignity, that you remain confident about the future and about yourself.
- Being strong does mean that you’re focusing on your own happiness and the happiness of those around you instead of everything wrong in your life.
- Being strong does mean that you count your blessings, even in this dark time.
- Being strong does mean that you recognize that life is seasonal; you will come out of this time of suffering as a better man.
No matter where you’re at, trust me, there are men who’d kill to be in your position. I get emails from them everyday; men who have literally no hope for a brighter future because their wife cheated, or simply packed up and left.
You do have hope. You can find a way. You have what it takes.
Have faith that things will work out okay. Life will keep moving forward.
With that out of the way, let’s get one thing straight:
Your Wife is NOT Leaving You Because You Got Laid Off
I know that the way it seems right now, you think that your wife is leaving you because you lost your job.
I’m here to tell you that’s not the reason. I can guarantee she’d thought about leaving before that.
Is that good news or not? Let’s find out…
The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back
Think about these questions:
- Outside of job loss, what other reasons might your marriage be on the rocks?
- How long has it been since you and your wife flirted the way you did when you were dating?
- Does it seem like you’ve been getting into more and more fights lately, even before the job loss?
If any of these questions describe your marriage, then its likely that losing your job was NOT the cause of your wife threatening to leave. There were already problems, and the job loss was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back.
In other words, she may have ended up leaving eventually anyways, regardless of your employment status.
Even though it sounds weird, the job loss may be a good thing if it brings these problems to light and allows you and your wife to work through them sooner rather than later. You never know.
Is Your Wife a Weak Person?
There are two types of people in this world… Those who face confrontation head-on, and those who turn and run the other way.
When faced with problems, does your wife fight or flight?
Think of it like this:
Job loss has attacked your marriage. It’s a beatable enemy, but your wife has chosen to retreat rather than regroup (with you) for a counterattack.
Here’s a good way to measure whether your wife is the fight or flight type of person:
Would You Have Left,
If You Were Wearing Her Shoes?
Has there ever been a time when your wife was weak and in need, and you supported her?
If the roles were switched, what would you be doing right now?
You’d probably be distraught, but would you be thinking about divorce? Would you want out of the marriage?
Or would you still be by her side, committed to making the most of the hand life’s dealt you?
Now, I’m not saying you should be glad your wife is leaving, or that you should blame her for wanting to leave. That type of thinking will only make you bitter. Instead, take it upon yourself to man up. This is the secret to a happier, healthier marriage.
Keep this in mind as you continue reading. It’s a useful insight to have under your belt. Somehow, she’s become weak. It’s not necessarily her fault, it’s just how it is right now. As the husband, it’s your job to be strong.
Are You Sure You Want Your Wife Back?
This is a hard question to answer, but it’s one you have to think about to have any hope for a brighter future. Are you sure you want your wife back?
Think about it. It’s a serious and legitimate question. Some reasons you might not include:
- She had an affair and you can’t forgive her.
- She already filed for divorce and talking to her will just make it worse.
- You simply don’t want to man up and save your marriage.
Think about it. These are issues you’ll have to work through eventually, so you might as well start now. If there’s something keeping you from wanting a happy marriage with your wife, you need to address that before moving forward.
How to Get Your Wife Back After Losing Your Job
If you’re still here reading, I’m going to assume that you DO in fact want to stay with your wife even though she wants to leave you.
That’s awesome. Congratulations!
So, how can you romance your wife and rekindle your marriage? It’s not complex, just difficult. I’ve broken down the process into 2 different steps you need to take.
That’s right, there are just 2 steps to get your wife back. Can’t get much easier than that, can it?
Focus on Finding a Job & Staying Stable
This first step is about clarity. It’s about stepping out of denial and seeing things clearly. It’s about facing the truth.
Whether you like it or not, you don’t know whether your wife will be a part of your life even just one month from now. All you have right now is you (and your kids, if applicable). So, organize your life accordingly…
- Focus on becoming emotionally stable and confident once again. It’s important that your wife sees you independently regain confidence.
- Focus on looking for a new job, and if you can’t find one, then start doing odd jobs or selling your stuff on eBay. Just do something to put money in the bank.
- Focus on enjoying the simple things in life. Recognize that you are more than just a husband; you’re a man. Your wife doesn’t define your purpose or your identity.
You might be thinking this all seems like a pessimistic way to approach the problem. But, even though it sounds like you’re distancing yourself from your wife, she’ll actually find herself drawn closer to you… That’s the secret to getting your wife back.
- She’ll see that you’re taking action, not just ‘saying’ you’ll get a job and then sitting around all day in misery, like many men do.
- You’ll become more attractive to her when she sees that you’re not desperate to get her back. Currently, as you’re reading this, your wife views herself on a higher level than you. If she wants out, it’s because she thinks she can do better. But, as you get out and start enjoying life, her perspective will change. She’ll see that you don’t need her, and that will instantly make you attractive.
- She’ll start believing in you because of your confidence that everything will be okay… The loss of your job will no longer seem like the end of the world or a good reason to leave the marriage.
So, take me seriously here! Stop focusing on the problems. Start looking for the solutions.
You won’t get your wife back by dwelling in your own self-pity. Go out and start looking for a job. Prove to her that you’re living above the economy, and that there’s nothing to worry about through good times or bad.
Important! If and when you do get a new job, do NOT lavish your wife with gifts. You don’t want to reward her for wanting to leave, and you also don’t want to seem desperate. You can’t buy your wife’s love. Put food on the table, go on dates with her if she’s open to it, but don’t think that a new job means anything for your marriage until she’s said that it does.
Of course, use your best judgment and trust your gut, but that’s my two cents. Just remember that actions speak louder than words.
Remember the Man She Fell in Love With
At some point, your wife found you extremely attractive. She found herself magnetically pulled to you; she loved being around you and craved it with every fiber of her being.
Over time, that feeling has faded, and the job loss may be what erased it completely. As you’re looking for a job and finding independent stability, chances are you’ve already begun feeling differently about yourself.
You’re remembering what it’s like to be a man. Focus on that feeling!
Rekindle your old self, remind your wife what she’s in it for, and see if she doesn’t start finding you more attractive.
- You Used To Be Independent – Your wife loved being around you because you stood out… The world is a crappy place, but you weren’t; you made her think about something more.
- You Used to Be Strong – I don’t mean physically, I mean in your outlook on life. You didn’t let anything get you down. What the world dealt you didn’t matter, because you both loved each other so much it didn’t matter. Your strength of self fueled that confidence.
- You Used to Be a Provider – Not a provider of money, but of love and affection. Your wife felt happy with you and felt content with you. You left her wanting nothing because YOU were enough for her.
Somewhere in there, your wife stopped viewing you this way. You need to renew her appreciation for you, back to what it was before.
- What’s different about yourself now than when you first got married?
- What’s changed about you?
- What’s gotten worse and what’s gotten better?
Do You Want to Be the Best Man You Can Be?
My hope is that after reading this article, you’ve gained some valuable insights into why your wife wants to leave you. Remember that it’s NOT just because you lost your job. And that’s good news because it means you don’t need a fancy new job to get her back.
I encourage you to look through more of the free stuff available for you here on Husband Help Haven. I also have a free ebook for you to download, The 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband, which you can download right below this post.
Whatever you do from here, I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that your marriage improves.
Much manly love,
With much manly love,
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation... Over 2,000 in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation. Read more here