Yeah, sure, maybe you felt angry too, or maybe you felt overwhelming sadness.
But I’m willing to bet that if you stopped for a second to examine the source of those feelings, you’d find that the root of your anger or sadness is actually…
Maybe it’s fear of the unknown.
Maybe it’s fear of facing yourself.
Maybe it’s fear of loss or rejection, or maybe even fear of being alone for the rest of your life.
Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what you’re specifically afraid of, as long as you recognize that fear is playing at least a small part in the way that you’re thinking right now.
But, guess what?
Fear Isn’t Going to Stop You From Getting Your Wife Back
You must conquer your fear and the desperation that comes with it. That is the very first step in the 3+1 Separation Strategy, which is the single best starting point I have available for men facing marriage trouble.
Recommended: The 3 Steps You Must Follow If Your Wife Is Leaving
You see, fear is just that… Fear.
It’s not going to keep you from learning how to talk to your wife throughout this article, and it certainly won’t to keep you from a happy marriage if you can figure out how to fight it.
Consider what FDR said during the Great Depression:
So, let’s start with some oxygen. Take a deeeeep breath.
Inhale. Exhale. Good.
5 Tips for Talking to a Distant Wife
As you continue reading this article you’re going to discover how to talk to your wife when she’s leaving.
You Have 2 Ears and Only 1 Mouth
Many people hear this and mistakenly think that all I’m trying to say is that listening is twice as important as speaking.
While I do believe that’s true, this phrase also has a deeper meaning for any men reading this.
In every conversation there are two things you need to hear, and only one thing you need to say.
The first thing you need to hear is what your wife is saying. You need to hear the actual words she’s saying, and you need to listen to her body language to hear what she isn’t saying too. But that’s not the second thing you need to hear.
[ezcol_1half]Whatever you say, say it strong.[/ezcol_1half]
The second thing you need to hear is what YOU are saying, so that your communication is effective and you can really get through to your wife. Your goal is to sound empathetic, committed, and firm in your decision-making. Whatever you say, say it strong.
So yes, listening is twice as important as speaking. But, you also use your listening skills twice as much as you use your communication skills.
Does that make sense?
Stay Strong in Front of Your Wife
This is something that very few men get right because it’s surprisingly difficult to do.
- Strength does NOT mean that you can’t have emotion in front of your wife.
- Strength does NOT mean that you can’t express yourself honestly in front of your wife.
- It does NOT mean that you can’t ever shed a tear in front of your wife.
What strength means for you right now is this:
You should never, ever, EVER beg your wife to stay with you.
I’ve heard this sad story so many times… A husband desperately begs his wife to stay with him, literally getting down on his knees and pleading with her, only to find that she’s colder and more distant than ever before.
Guys, listen up:
Getting down on your knees and begging for “just one more chance” is the most unattractive thing you can do right now. It makes you look needy, weak and unable to stand on your own 2 feet.
Do you really think that’s the kind of man your wife is going to suddenly decide she wants to be with? No; in fact you’ve probably just confirmed her decision to leave.
So, while you shouldn’t be emotionally cold per se, you should maintain your dignity. This is very important, and it’s a crucial part of being a man, a husband and a leader.
Always Keep Your Focus on the Real Goal
And the real goal isn’t what you may first think.
Many men come to me and ask, “How do I get my wife back,” or “How do I save my marriage,” or even “How do I get my wife to love me again?”
These are all the wrong questions, because they’re focusing on the wrong goals.
Your goal right now is very, very simple:
You need your wife to WANT you again.
Think about that statement for a second… Really let it sink in.
I’ll say it one more time:
You NEED your wife to WANT you, AGAIN.
As you can see, there are three important words in this statement…”Need”, “want”, and “again”.
[ezcol_1third]You NEED your wife to want you because there is no other way to truly save your marriage. Conversely, when your marriage is back on track, it will only be because your wife truly wants to be with you.[/ezcol_1third] [ezcol_1third]You need your wife to WANT you again because otherwise she won’t stay with you, plain and simple. No amount of marriage counseling or “figuring stuff out” is going to keep her. Attraction is the only thing that matters.[/ezcol_1third] [ezcol_1third_end]You need your wife to want you AGAIN because there was a time in the past when your wife wanted you in the way that she needs to now. You need to find out how to reawaken the attraction that she once felt.[/ezcol_1third_end]
Do you see?
You need your wife to want you again.
This is the way to rekindle passion in your marriage, and this is how you can end your wife’s desire for separation.
So, when you’re talking to your wife, always keep this goal in mind. The way that you present yourself to your wife should be attractive, confident, optimistic and decisive. These are the traits that will reignite her attraction for you.
Avoid the Heavy Stuff… For Now
When you’re desperate to get your wife back, your intuition will tell you that you should be constantly trying to solve the problems, air out the conflicts, and work towards a happy marriage.
However, if you try and talk about the “heavy stuff” right now, you’re only going to remind your wife why she’s leaving.
Don’t be the one to bring up your problems. Don’t play the blame game. Put aside the conflicts in your marriage and try your best to focus on simply enjoying the time you have with your wife.
If your wife is the one to bring up the problems, then you can engage her in a discussion, but tread carefully. At the first sign of conflict, as soon as one of you starts pointing fingers, try to steer the conversation in a more lighthearted direction.
Remember! Your goal right now is to remind your wife that she enjoys being married to you. Most of the time, the best way to do this is actually by avoiding the worst problems in your marriage… At least, for now.
Don’t Be Afraid to Flirt (when it feels natural)
Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary. If things are very, very tense between you and your wife, this may not always be a good idea. Use your own judgment to decide.
Your goal is to rekindle attraction with your wife. One of the easiest and most effective ways to do that is to reawaken the courtship that led to your marriage in the first place.
Remember back when you two were dating? Think about the natural chemistry you had, and how comfortable you felt around her.
Court your wife! Flirt with her in a manly way. Try to remember the man that your wife fell in love with, and do your best to bring him back from the dead.
Again, this tip may not be appropriate or effective in all cases, so think about it before you try it. You have to establish, at the very least, a cordial relationship before this is feasible.
In the end, remember that you have one goal:
Make Her Desire YOU More than Separation
I know that you have a few questions left on exactly how to get your wife to DESIRE you.
Don’t worry, this is normal!
If you’d like more information on communication with your wife while your marriage is on the rocks, then I think I know what’ll help you… In fact, I have two articles that you might want to read:
Either way you decide to go from here, I’d like to sincerely thank you for reading this article and I hope that everything works out with your wife.
Much Manly Love,
Image credit: Master isolated images @ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
With much manly love,
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation... Over 2,000 in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation.