In almost all of the separations, affairs and divorces I’ve seen in my years running Husband Help Haven, at least one of these 9 'things' is missing from the marriage.
Too many men today have forgotten what it means to be a husband. We’ve forgotten our duties as the head of the family.
Today, you’re going to get a clear-as-day reminder.
Every marriage is different, yes, but ultimately there are some things that EVERY wife needs from her husband.
As you read through each ‘thing’, I want you to ask yourself, “Does my wife get this from me?”
If not, the time to change is now.
Let’s get started.
Every Wife Needs SECURITY From Her Husband
To give your wife security means that you give her confidence in the future.
A guy emailed me a couple weeks ago with a heartbreaking story.
He had lost his job about 6 months ago. When he emailed me, his family’s bank account was almost empty and his wife had told him that if he didn’t find a way to make ends meet by the end of the month, she was going to walk out the door with their daughter and never come back.
Sounds harsh, right?
But, it’s not really that surprising. She’d been working a crummy minimum wage job to support the family, and after six months, she had officially lost faith in her husband and his ability to keep the family stable.
She lost confidence in his ability to provide a stable home for the family both now and in the future, and so she wanted out.
Every wife craves a feeling of security from her husband. Since the beginning of time, man has provided and protected his family.
A husband needs to give his wife that feeling of stability; no matter what happens, she needs to know he’s going to make everything okay.
What If Your Wife Is the Primary Income Earner?
This need for security does NOT mean you have to be the breadwinner. But it does mean that your wife needs to be able to trust that YOU are going to make sure the family is provided for, protected and looked after.
Your wife needs to trust that if, God forbid, someone would lose their job or get injured and be unable to work, that the family would not be doomed to financial ruin.
If you’re NOT the breadwinner, you must be on top of financial planning. You need to make sure that the money your wife makes is being used wisely, and that you won’t be out on the streets if she loses her job.
Every Wife Needs CONTENTMENT From Her Marriage
Your wife needs to feel that her life inside the marriage is both enjoyable and worthwhile.
How do you do that? How do you create that feeling for your wife?
YOU have to genuinely believe the life you’re living is enjoyable and worthwhile!
When YOU are content with your marriage and your family, your WIFE will be much more likely to feel the same way.
This means you should actively enjoy the time you spend with your wife. Be engaged with her and your kids, if you’ve got any. Look forward to the time you spend with your family.
When you’re home with them, don’t go into “bored mode” where you’re basically just trying to pass time until you get to do something you want to do, like watch TV or hop on the computer.
And, don’t ever let yourself dread the time you spend with your family as just one more obligation… Your wife will be able to feel the moment you let yourself start thinking that way.
This Is ESPECIALLY Important If You're In Your Late 30's or 40's
Because this age-range is prime time for a midlife crisis.
And, since a midlife crisis is always rooted in unfulfillment, one of the best ways to combat, or better yet, prevent it is by leading the way in contentment.
I have NEVER seen a wife fall into a midlife crisis when she felt content and fulfilled in the marriage.
Every Wife Wants to Feel PRIDE in Her Husband
Every little girl dreams of marrying a prince.
Every wife wants to know she married a great, worthy husband.
Your wife wants to be proud of her family. She wants to be proud of her husband, the man she has committed her life to.
And why wouldn’t she?
When you’re married, two become one. If your wife can be proud of you, then that means that she can be proud of herself. When she can be proud of her marriage, this helps her feel all the other things listed in this article!
Obviously, every husband has his flaws...
But, you don’t have to be perfect for your wife to be proud of the man she married. You just have to do the things that a husband is supposed to do!
The good news is that it’s easier to stand out as a great husband today than it’s ever been, simply because so few men today have any idea what it means to lead in marriage.
It’s sad, but true.
By showing your wife that you’re one of the rare breed of men are capable of going above and beyond for their marriage and family, you WILL stand out, and she WILL be proud of you. It’s not rocket science!
Every Wife Needs SUPPORT From Her Husband
She can count on you to be the one always standing in her corner.
Your wife needs to know that you are always on her side.
She needs to know that you’ve got her back.
She needs you to be the shoulder she can lean on when times get tough.
This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on every single decision in the marriage. The type of support we’re talking about here is not necessarily for things INSIDE the marriage relationship, but for things OUTSIDE it.
- If your wife has an extremely stressful day at work, she needs to be able to come home and know that you will care about her day.
- If your wife is feeling overwhelmed with parenting, she needs to be able to trust that you can relieve her.
- If your wife gets into a big disagreement with one of her friends or relatives, she needs to know that you will be on her side.
Basically, your wife needs to know that you’re always going to be there to support her and hear her out.
Whatever trials she ever faces in her life, she needs to feel like you are the foundation on which she can stand when everything else is falling apart.
Every Wife Needs FRIENDSHIP From Her Husband
Every wife should enjoy spending time with her husband.
A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with. Ideally, husband and wife are each other’s best friend!
This means the alone time you get with your wife should not be centered only on the bedroom, or talking about family duties.
Of course, life is busy and especially if you have kids, a lot of alone time you and your wife get is going to be devoted to them. But, not ALL of it.
You and your wife should be able to spend time together as friends too, whether that means shooting the breeze together or doing something that you both enjoy.
Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Make Her Feel BEAUTIFUL
Every woman wants to feel beautiful.
It's your job to make your wife feel like a catch!
Again, there is something primal about this, because truly every woman wants to feel beautiful. In fact, you could argue that every woman believes they ARE beautiful, and they want the man they married to recognize it.
Unfortunately, many women (and men) struggle with self-confidence about their looks. It is your job to combat that little voice inside your wife that tells her she’s not beautiful.
She needs to know that you count yourself extremely lucky to have her as your wife; you need to make her feel like the amazing catch that she is!
Remember that beauty is more than just outward appearance.
Make sure you appreciate the physical, intellectual and spiritual beauty of your wife, and make sure she knows it!
This doesn’t just have to be something you do with words… Your actions can communicate how beautiful you find your wife too. If your wife’s love language is NOT words of affirmation, then get creative!
The important thing is that your wife gets that feeling of beauty from you, one way or another.
Every Wife Needs INTIMACY From Her Husband
Every woman needs that indescribable feeling of closeness from her husband.
Just to be clear, when I say intimacy, I’m NOT just talking about sex.
Intimacy is that feeling of closeness that a man and woman are meant to experience inside of a marriage. True intimacy is the manifestation of deep love between two people, and it doesn’t always have to be physical.
Giving your wife intimacy is about the feeling you create for her, not the physical actions that you do.
Yes, intimacy DOES include sex. When you have sex with your wife, you should get that feeling of closeness, coziness, of unbridled love. But, sex isn’t the only form of intimacy.
Here are some other ways to create and maintain intimacy:
- You can create intimacy for your wife through non-sexual physical affection.
- You can give her that feeling of intimacy by understanding her as a person; show her that you understand her goals, her wants, or even her peeves.
- You can create that feeling of intimacy by engaging her on an intellectual level; by challenging her and/or talking to her about something she has deep knowledge of.
- Or, you can create that feeling on a spiritual level… One of the ways my wife and I stay intimate is by praying together every night WITHOUT our daughter. This time is husband-wife time, not parent time.
Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Step Up as a FATHER
You need to be more than just the leader of your marriage; you need to be the leader of your family!
We have a severe father problem in our society today.
Way too many kids are growing up without a proper father figure. Many kids grow up without any father at all.
For many of you, your own lack of male role models growing up is a big reason that you’re here on this site!
If you want your kids to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage when they grow up, then you MUST take your job as father seriously.
But, it’s not just your kids that need you to be the father of the family… Your wife does too! She needs you to not only be her leader, but leader to your children too.
How to S.P.E.L.L. Fatherhood
In Manly Marriage Revival, I give you an acronym to help you remember your responsibilities as father. The acronym is SPELL:
Strong – Always remain positive, confident and respectful in front of your kids. When you make decisions as a father, stand firm in them. When you say yes, it means yes. When you say no, it means no. You are “the Dad”.
Present – You are there for your kids. You get lots of face time with them.
But, remember that being present is about more than just physically being around your kids… A father must be present mentally and emotionally too. When you’re spending time with your kids, they get your full attention. Reinforce that they’re worthy of attention.
Encouraging – A good father is constantly uplifting his kids. He wants them to be confident. He wants to be a constant source of positivity. He isn’t cynical or negative.
Always look for opportunities to encourage your children… And not just generic encouragement like “Great job!” or “You did awesome!” Look for specific ways to praise your children.
Loving – Pretty straightforward one here… A father loves his kids and his kids know that he loves them. This is communicated through both words and actions.
Leader – Finally, a good father leads his family, and his kids see him as the family’s leader.
If you can hit all five of these, I can virtually guarantee you that your marriage will improve. When you are active as a father first, your wife will find you attractive as a husband.
When you're ACTIVE as a father, your wife will find you ATTRACTIVE as a husband.
Every Wife Needs LEADERSHIP From Her Husband
This is what it all comes down to.
Your wife NEEDS you to be a leader.
And not a leader in the traditional “alpha male” sense of the word...
She needs you to be a servant-leader… The type of leader who takes his job so seriously that he makes sacrifices for the benefit of those he serves.
This isn’t begging. This isn’t submission. Those two things are borne out of weakness and self-interest.
True husbandly leadership is borne out of strength, humility and, above all, love. This is the true meaning of husbandly leadership.
She needs to know that she can count on you to see the family to their betterment; a leader puts the cause (in this case, the family) ahead of himself, and that’s what you need to do for your wife.
Your wife needs a leader in her marriage. Even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she doesn’t want it. She needs it, and she will love it once she sees it.
How many of these 9 things are you providing for your wife?
Which ones do you need to work on?
If you want to get a head start on giving your wife each of these 9 things in your marriage, then be sure to check out the free PDF workbook that goes along with this post:?
And, let’s take it a step further…
Can you think of anything else that every wife needs from her husband? Let me know!
Much manly love,
With much manly love,
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation... Over 2,000 in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation. Read more here