9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

by Stephen Waldo

9 Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

In almost all of the separations, affairs and divorces I’ve seen in my years running Husband Help Haven, at least one of these 9 ‘things’ is missing from the marriage.

Too many men today have forgotten what it means to be a husband. We’ve forgotten our duties as the head of the family.

Today, you’re going to get a clear-as-day reminder.

Every marriage is different, yes, but ultimately there are some things that EVERY wife needs from her husband.

Table Of Contents

As you read through each ‘thing’, I want you to ask yourself, “Does my wife get this from me?”

If not, the time to change is now.

Let’s get started.

Every Wife Needs SECURITY From Her Husband

To give your wife security means that you give her confidence in the future.

A guy emailed me a couple weeks ago with a heartbreaking story.

He had lost his job about 6 months ago. When he emailed me, his family’s bank account was almost empty and his wife had told him that if he didn’t find a way to make ends meet by the end of the month, she was going to walk out the door with their daughter and never come back.


Sounds harsh, right?

But, it’s not really that surprising. She’d been working a crummy minimum wage job to support the family, and after six months, she had officially lost faith in her husband and his ability to keep the family stable.

She lost confidence in his ability to provide a stable home for the family both now and in the future, and so she wanted out.

Every wife craves a feeling of security from her husband. Since the beginning of time, man has provided and protected his family.

A husband needs to give his wife that feeling of stability; no matter what happens, she needs to know he’s going to make everything okay.

What If Your Wife Is the Primary Income Earner?

This need for security does NOT mean you have to be the breadwinner. But it does mean that your wife needs to be able to trust that YOU are going to make sure the family is provided for, protected and looked after.

Your wife needs to trust that if, God forbid, someone would lose their job or get injured and be unable to work, that the family would not be doomed to financial ruin.

If you’re NOT the breadwinner, you must be on top of financial planning. You need to make sure that the money your wife makes is being used wisely, and that you won’t be out on the streets if she loses her job.

Every Wife Needs CONTENTMENT From Her Marriage

Your wife needs to feel that her life inside the marriage is both enjoyable and worthwhile.

How do you do that? How do you create that feeling for your wife?

It’s easy…

YOU have to genuinely believe the life you’re living is enjoyable and worthwhile!

You should enjoy your marriage as much as this guy enjoys cowboy hats!

When YOU are content with your marriage and your family, your WIFE will be much more likely to feel the same way.

This means you should actively enjoy the time you spend with your wife. Be engaged with her and your kids, if you’ve got any. Look forward to the time you spend with your family.

When you’re home with them, don’t go into “bored mode” where you’re basically just trying to pass time until you get to do something you want to do, like watch TV or hop on the computer.

From “She wants out” to “We’re working on it” in 7 steps


A simple 15-minute read could transform how you think about saving your marriage... This free guide shows you the exact steps your wife must go through before she starts working on the relationship with you.

And, don’t ever let yourself dread the time you spend with your family as just one more obligation… Your wife will be able to feel the moment you let yourself start thinking that way.

This Is ESPECIALLY Important If You’re In Your Late 30’s or 40’s


Because this age-range is prime time for a midlife crisis.

And, since a midlife crisis is always rooted in unfulfillment, one of the best ways to combat, or better yet, prevent it is by leading the way in contentment.

I have NEVER seen a wife fall into a midlife crisis when she felt content and fulfilled in the marriage.

Every Wife Wants to Feel PRIDE in Her Husband (and Family!)

Every little girl dreams of marrying a prince.Every wife wants to know she married a great, worthy husband.

Your wife wants to be proud of her family. She wants to be proud of her husband, the man she has committed her life to.

And why wouldn’t she?

When you’re married, two become one. If your wife can be proud of you, then that means that she can be proud of herself. When she can be proud of her marriage, this helps her feel all the other things listed in this article!

Obviously, every husband has his flaws…

But, you don’t have to be perfect for your wife to be proud of the man she married. You just have to do the things that a husband is supposed to do!

The good news is that it’s easier to stand out as a great husband today than it’s ever been, simply because so few men today have any idea what it means to lead in marriage.

It’s sad, but true.

By showing your wife that you’re one of the rare breed of men are capable of going above and beyond for their marriage and family, you WILL stand out, and she WILL be proud of you. It’s not rocket science!

Every Wife Needs SUPPORT From Her Husband

She can count on you to be the one always standing in her corner.

Your wife needs to know that you are always on her side.

She needs to know that you’ve got her back.

She needs you to be the shoulder she can lean on when times get tough.

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on every single decision in the marriage. The type of support we’re talking about here is not necessarily for things INSIDE the marriage relationship, but for things OUTSIDE it.

For example…

  • If your wife has an extremely stressful day at work, she needs to be able to come home and know that you will care about her day.
  • If your wife is feeling overwhelmed with parenting, she needs to be able to trust that you can relieve her.
  • If your wife gets into a big disagreement with one of her friends or relatives, she needs to know that you will be on her side.

Basically, your wife needs to know that you’re always going to be there to support her and hear her out.

Whatever trials she ever faces in her life, she needs to feel like you are the foundation on which she can stand when everything else is falling apart.

Every Wife Needs FRIENDSHIP From Her Husband

Every wife should enjoy spending time with her husband.

A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with. Ideally, husband and wife are each other’s best friend!

This means the alone time you get with your wife should not be centered only on the bedroom, or talking about family duties.

Of course, life is busy and especially if you have kids, a lot of alone time you and your wife get is going to be devoted to them. But, not ALL of it.

You and your wife should be able to spend time together as friends too, whether that means shooting the breeze together or doing something that you both enjoy.

Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Make Her Feel BEAUTIFUL

Every woman wants to feel beautiful. It’s your job to make your wife feel like a catch!

Again, there is something primal about this, because truly every woman wants to feel beautiful. In fact, you could argue that  every woman believes they ARE beautiful, and they want the man they married to recognize it.

Unfortunately, many women (and men) struggle with self-confidence about their looks. It is your job to combat that little voice inside your wife that tells her she’s not beautiful.

She needs to know that you count yourself extremely lucky to have her as your wife; you need to make her feel like the amazing catch that she is!


Remember that beauty is more than just outward appearance.

Make sure you appreciate the physical, intellectual and spiritual beauty of your wife, and make sure she knows it!

This doesn’t just have to be something you do with words… Your actions can communicate how beautiful you find your wife too. If your wife’s love language is NOT words of affirmation, then get creative!

The important thing is that your wife gets that feeling of beauty from you, one way or another.

Every Wife Needs INTIMACY From Her Husband

Every woman needs that indescribable feeling of closeness from her husband.

Just to be clear, when I say intimacy, I’m NOT just talking about sex.

Intimacy is that feeling of closeness that a man and woman are meant to experience inside of a marriage. True intimacy is the manifestation of deep love between two people, and it doesn’t always have to be physical.

Giving your wife intimacy is about the feeling you create for her, not the physical actions that you do.

Yes, intimacy DOES include sex. When you have sex with your wife, you should get that feeling of closeness, coziness, of unbridled love. But, sex isn’t the only form of intimacy.

Here are some other ways to create and maintain intimacy:

  • You can create intimacy for your wife through non-sexual physical affection.
  • You can give her that feeling of intimacy by understanding her as a person; show her that you understand her goals, her wants, or even her peeves.
  • You can create that feeling of intimacy by engaging her on an intellectual level; by challenging her and/or talking to her about something she has deep knowledge of.
  • Or, you can create that feeling on a spiritual level… One of the ways my wife and I stay intimate is by praying together every night WITHOUT our daughter. This time is husband-wife time, not parent time.

Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Step Up as a FATHER

You need to be more than just the leader of your marriage; you need to be the leader of your family!

We have a severe father problem in our society today.

Way too many kids are growing up without a proper father figure. Many kids grow up without any father at all.

For many of you, your own lack of male role models growing up is a big reason that you’re here on this site!

If you want your kids to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage when they grow up, then you MUST take your job as father seriously.

But, it’s not just your kids that need you to be the father of the family… Your wife does too! She needs you to not only be her leader, but leader to your children too.

How to S.P.E.L.L. Fatherhood

In Manly Marriage Revival, I give you an acronym to help you remember your responsibilities as father. The acronym is SPELL:

Strong – Always remain positive, confident and respectful in front of your kids. When you make decisions as a father, stand firm in them. When you say yes, it means yes. When you say no, it means no. You are “the Dad”.

Present – You are there for your kids. You get lots of face time with them.

But, remember that being present is about more than just physically being around your kids… A father must be present mentally and emotionally too. When you’re spending time with your kids, they get your full attention. Reinforce that they’re worthy of attention.

Encouraging – A good father is constantly uplifting his kids. He wants them to be confident. He wants to be a constant source of positivity. He isn’t cynical or negative.

Always look for opportunities to encourage your children… And not just generic encouragement like “Great job!” or “You did awesome!” Look for specific ways to praise your children.

Loving – Pretty straightforward one here… A father loves his kids and his kids know that he loves them. This is communicated through both words and actions.

Leader – Finally, a good father leads his family, and his kids see him as the family’s leader.

If you can hit all five of these, I can virtually guarantee you that your marriage will improve. When you are active as a father first, your wife will find you attractive as a husband.

Every Wife Needs LEADERSHIP From Her Husband

This is what it all comes down to.

Your wife NEEDS you to be a leader.

And not a leader in the traditional “alpha male” sense of the word…

She needs you to be a servant-leader… The type of leader who takes his job so seriously that he makes sacrifices for the benefit of those he serves.

This isn’t begging. This isn’t submission. Those two things are borne out of weakness and self-interest.

True husbandly leadership is borne out of strength, humility and, above all, love. This is the true meaning of husbandly leadership.

She needs to know that she can count on you to see the family to their betterment; a leader puts the cause (in this case, the family) ahead of himself, and that’s what you need to do for your wife.

Your wife needs a leader in her marriage. Even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she doesn’t want it. She needs it, and she will love it once she sees it.

How many of these 9 things are you providing for your wife?

Which ones do you need to work on?

And, let’s take it a step further…

Can you think of anything else that every wife needs from her husband? Let me know!

Much manly love,
– Stephen

Stephen Waldo

Hi! My name is Stephen. I’m the guy behind Husband Help Haven. My mission here is to help as many men as possible become the best husbands they can be, and save as many marriages as possible along the way. Even though I’m not a marriage counselor, I want to encourage men everywhere to become better husbands, fathers and leaders. Full author bio


  • Edwin smart

    Really appreciate your advice for marriage, this will help me more to step up.

  • Sanjay Baalasubramani V

    Dear Steven, thanks for the helping heart. My name is Sanjay and I respect and believe in the suggestions given by you. I am from India and currently facing relationship issues with my beloved spouse. She is a wonderful person and I do not have any complaints about her. I wish I put to use the things I learned here. I strongly believe that both of us are lovable people and we did have our share of difficulties, but always have supported each other and built ourselves and people around us. I am very positive on working on me first as you suggested. Will keep in touch with you. Please do guide me. With loads of light and love, Sanjay

  • We’ve been married over 50 years and my husband hasn’t done any of 9 items mentioned above! The only thing I have is a nice house, car, clothes, nice benefits insurance but nothing else. I can’t really explain why or how we got married and why I haven’t left him. All he ever did was work 12 or more hours a day, 7 days a week, and every holiday for over 40 years. We never went on vacation, went out for dinner or went shopping together. He wanted to be as far away from me as possible.
    He hasn’t any friends goes no where just eats and sleeps in a cabin like thing separate from the house. He hasn’t any communication with the outside world and is anti-social and asexual. I only found this out a while ago that he has no interest in sex, intimacy, and other people. I found out these things because I needed to know whats wrong, his doctor and shrink finally told me! They shouldn’t have but I guess they felt sorry for me. He’s not heavy, but has blood pressure, Erectile problems,cholesterol,issues. As far as I know since he was about10 years old had to do every thing on his own. His parents and him did not agree about any thing! Dad told him go to work, which he did working paper routes, gas station helper, grocery store stock boy and bagger! Did lousy in school but got by, but he did go to a community college and got good grades and graduated. Also his shrink said he doesn’t trust people and holds everything he does close to his chest.It’s taken years to get this info out of him, I’m guessing maybe he needed to tell someone how he felt and over 70 years is long enough. Shrink said he’s a very lonely person but very smart and has a high IQ. A couple years back I tried to talk to him and he said he was OK didn’t need or want help and to stop talking to him. We haven’t spoken to each other in decades.
    All these years I’ve been depressed and angry, like I said before I should have left but that’s water over the bridge. I can’t fix dumb, I have no where to go, no family, no kids, I have friends but I could never impose upon them. I have every thing to exist and keep moving along till I can’t any more, then life will end for me. It’s been horrible living like this but it is what it is. Thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!!

    • A

      I’m so sorry to hear about your pain Amy, I can’t imagine the endless patience and grace and forgiveness and kindness that you’ve given your husband over the years, all it sounds like without much of anything in return barring the nice material things you mentioned.

      I’m somewhat encouraged to hear that your husband is seeing a counselor/psychologist. It sounds like he has trauma in his childhood, and we are learning more and more today the effect that childhood trauma can have on adult life if it’s never dealt with. Which, it sounds like your husband’s wasn’t. Of course, when it comes to mental health, ultimately the responsibility to take care of it is in the hands of the sufferer. And please don’t take this as me minimizing the pain YOU have suffered and the mental and emotional scars it has left you with.

      I do hope that things somehow get better for you soon. And I hope that somewhere in there you were able to find some friends or companions or other outlets to help you get fulfillment somewhere in your life. If not, it’s never too late to start, but you know yourself best as well as what you need to do to get by.

      – Stephen

  • Michael C

    Great article. I am succesful at many of the items listed but there are a few that I definitely need to work on. Thank you for this website and the information you provide. It is a real blessing!

  • I caught my wife of 26 years in a 4 year affair this December. Read everything you can, whether you agree with the content or not, it does help.
    Good Luck! Wish me luck.

  • what about the financial needs? is the wife suppose to go get a job so she can buy her own clothes , and other things she needs or what about the wife being in the dark on how many bills we owe out, or the Balance in the bank account that your not on.. i cook and clean and make sure my husband has all his meds daily, i do all the chores and cooking and cleaning and laundry and shopping, (shopping with out his money). the only thing i do not do is pay bills and work for a living, but i take care of my Disabled Husband 24/7. we fight all the time about Money and if i want or need some thing then i have to find a way to get it cause he cant afford us both . and time we never spend any time together we live as roommates but yest i go to bed a lone and i wake up a lone , we are in different buildings all day and night 99.9% of the time. we even eat in separate rooms. never together … no romance no doing any thing together , we dont agree on any tv shows or movies. he doesn’t like any thing i like to watch and i dont like what he is into either. what do we do.. and we do not have any friends we can see together, he has his friends mine all moved away, i have no one but him and most times i dont even have him we love each other and are committed but we are having a hard time in these ereas i have mentioned… when we have a lil bit of money then we get a long fine and we will go eat or some thing once a month maybe if that .he feels its his money and he pays the bills and i dont.. so i dont get to know what they are or how much they are .. or how much money we have after he pays the bills… what do we do about this.. other than that he is very good to me

  • God bless you, I understand where you are coming from. Give your all to Jesus, and like the Bible says He is the Living Water, you will never thirst again. Listen to the Bible on your phone.Let it read to you. Set you up a prayer room or corner. Listen to Moody Church on YouTube and Alister Begg . This has helped me, it’s not easy, but no one said it was going to be. Just go to your prayer room, and write,and pray. God bless you and be with you.

  • A

    My suggestion Tammie is to start with the basics, and try to start simply being kind to one another. My challenge for both of you is that once a day, you each DO something for the other that you do not have to do. Maybe it’s write a little love note… Maybe it’s offer a massage… Maybe it’s something non-romantic, like doing the dishes when it’s not your turn or picking up a Redbox movie you think he would like. Little things like that show the other person, “Hey, I care about you and I think about you, even when I don’t have to.”

    Does that make sense? I’m willing to bet that if you each commit to simply rebuilding good will in your relationship, pouring out your love for each other without any expectations attached, then you will see the dynamic of your marriage slowly improve. You are both still committed to the marriage and still committed to each other; that is good. But, don’t take it for granted, you need to start putting in the work now while you are both still capable of WANTING to.

    Hope this helps!

  • Yes, but it goes without saying that a husband should work hard.

    I understand money “can” make things challenging, but being married is about being there just as much in tougher times. The effects are only couples who allow it.

    To answer your question, what do you do in that situation? Do what people
    do everyday who actually care for each other. Its called whatever it takes. There’s a lot you can do to get help. find a better job than McDonald’s after 6 months, maybe move somewhere cheaper, cut back, etc.

    In the rotten example you used it was clearly a man hurt because his spouse threatened to leave with his child due to an unfortunate loss of employment. Your response to me was demeaning to that man and men in general. “Yes it’s sad, but this is what could happen,

    Whats threatening your spouse and or leaving your spouse going to accomplish? Its only going to make things worse. And even if you were able to find a job, he would never forget, his wife’s true colors, that in the end, the love she has for him only goes as far as when he’s employed. ( It would have been totally different if the message had implied that the man wasn’t trying, or being supportive, or helping her in other ways until he got back on track. )

    My point is money is a need for everyone and we can not always control it. That’s the difference here.

    Its not the same type of “need” as affection, emotional connection (which btw are the very reasons why we get married in the first place)

    You say in “real life” etc etc. You want to talk about real life??

    Husbands also cheat on thier wives while pregnant, needy, and neglectful. But that doesn’t make it right either. Should we now, write articles telling women not to get pregnant. Not to be needy and neglectful while pregnant?

    Would you say it’s sad… but not surprising being that men have needs.

    As far as Divorces, yes they have happened over money “related” problems. So what’s
    the point. That still doesn’t make it right – nor relevant. Divorce happens for all sorts of ridiculous things.

    Characters shouldn’t “suffer” because they work. At least not toward your partner. Sorry not that’s a valid excuse either.

    Your words while well intended all reeked of a weak minded, shallow, woman/partner.

    bottom line truly caring spouse would never allow their partner to feel that the love they have for them is measured by money, stuff. There is no substance or meaning in that.

  • If it goes without saying that a man should work hard, then why aren’t more doing just that?!

  • Good points.

    My problem is the example you used for #1.

    For starters it goes without saying that we all need money to live.

    Next, you said while heartbreaking “it’s not surprising” because women etc etc

    Its worth mentioning that NO loving woman with a heart would ever walk out on her hubby for a situation outside of his control. A poor example, and a pathetic excuse for a wife and woman in the example used.

    Marriage first and foremost is about mutual love and care for one another. That’s most important. Marriage is good times, bad times. It’s how couples become stronger together.

    Strong couples don’t break up over money. They stick by eachother and they figure it out one way or another.

    Believe it or not men have needs as well; and one of them is knowing that his woman will stick by his side – during tough times – and most of all if or when money becomes an issue.

  • Stephanie

    He stated it very clearly that a woman NEEDS security. When a husband becomes apathetic and his mindset is not focused on providing that security, she does not feel loved. It is very frightening for a woman in that position. I have been there. If he does all that he can to make the attempt to apply for employment or improve his skills and education, then she will feel his efforts and patience and acceptance with follow. However, he he withdraws, becomes depressed, or shows little concern that his family is struggling, she feels it. This would be similar to a woman gaining a lot of weight and rejecting her husband sexually. He feels rejected and therefore unloved. We are biologically created with theses needs. It does not make a person selfish to desire them.

  • A

    I agree with your points here 100%. A strong couple doesn’t break up over money, and the commitments and vows of marriage should supersede money problems. But, in real life, lots of couples divorce over money-related problems. Rarely is it BECAUSE of money, but rather the stress that comes with money being tight.

    Good couples never get divorced. But no couple is always good all the time. Good couples have weak moments. Sometimes those moments last weeks or months or even years. Good, strong couples get divorced when they are both at their worst and, exhausted and burnt out, they start blaming the marriage or their spouse for things being so bad. That’s exactly what happened in the example referenced in this post. This wife may have been a perfectly decent, loving and committed woman, but anyone’s character will suffer after working at McDonald’s 30 hours a week for 6 months while also being the primary caretaker for your child… And after all that work you’re still going deeper and deeper into debt every month. What do you do? I’m not saying her decision was the right one, but I am saying that it’s hard to judge her when I’ve never been in her shoes.

    Again, I agree with your sentiment here, and I admire your conviction. Your husband is or will be a lucky man to have a wife with such strong commitment to marriage. But, speaking from experience, it’s naive to think that strong couples don’t break over money. Because once money becomes a problem, many strong couples become weak ones. It’s hard to tell if you’ll survive it until you’ve been through it. The purpose of this post is to encourage the husband to take safeguards to solidify the foundation of his marriage so that if/when he DOES go through it, his marriage will survive.

    Thanks for commenting!

  • Thanks for this. I agree with you 100%. Being separated and going through a divorce, it finally sets in very deeply. If only I had this knowledge before the relationship had deteriorated this much.

    One thing for sure, is that it’s never too late. Hope is amazing if you apply it correctly. Hope for the best. But it has to be done sincerely. And sincere efforts require focusing on what is the best for my wife. If I truly love her, we want what is best for her, I have started doing things with compassion, love, and care.

    I have started this path, and let’s see what happens. The concept of Karma is amazing. Always throw good actions, and vibrations, and just accept what life returns back.

  • Unsatisfied reader

    Why is that in almost in every post on Internet.. Needs of wife is being highlighted and who has to do is always husband… And even after shredding every drop of blood husband gets divorce in gift

  • A

    Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your contribution to our discussion on this site. I can’t speak for the rest of the Internet, but this particular post is specifically for men who need help understanding what their wife wants from the marriage. So, naturally we’re highlighting her needs a lot here.

    However, I agree with you, every separation, every divorce, is a two-way street, and I have certainly seen plenty of men go through like what you’ve described. The wife – even when she is the one to seek divorce – also needs to work and change and improve in order for any possible future marriage to be more successful. But, during the separation, you can’t control that part. And so generally the focus for us Inside the Haven is on the man’s side, which makes sense since this is a website all about men becoming better husbands.

    With all that being said, you may want to read this post about common mindset mistakes men make in separation, particularly that of The Trader. Not saying this is you necessarily, but for any other men reading this who may be thinking something similar – If everything you’re doing is solely to ‘get your wife back’, then you are putting your happiness completely at the mercy of her choice which is largely out of your control. Plus, it makes your changes SEEM less genuine because she will believe that they are only there to convince her to change her mind.

    Anyway, thanks again for the different POV and I wish you the best of luck.

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