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Start Here on the Road to Husbandly Leadership

What is Leadership in Marriage?

We talk a lot about leadership here on Husband Help Haven. Even more importantly, we talk a lot about how it's the husband's responsibility to be the leader. So, it makes sense that the very first thing we do here is answer, "What should leadership look like in marriage?"


  • A good leader loves the people he serves, and prioritizes their needs above his own
  • A good leader makes the right decisions, even when they're unpopular
  • A good leader looks for opportunities to make a positive impact on the people around him
  • A good leader rises to any challenge, faces any foe, and does everything in his power to protect his family
  • A good leader takes responsibility for his mistakes

Key Takeaway: Good leadership is actually a form of servanthood


  • A bad leader forgets about the people around him, abusing his privileges and serving himself
  • A bad leader neglects the people that rely on them, failing to carry out his reponsibilities
  • A bad leader never makes sacrifices for the people who depend on him
  • A bad leader runs from conflict, preferring to let problems "work themselves out"
  • A bad leader shifts the blame to those around him

Key Takeaway: Bad leadership isn't really leadership at all.

Is Husbandly Leadership Sexist?

Is Husbandly Leadership Sexist

I can hear it now... "Are you telling me that women can't be leaders?!?! You sexist pig!"

After all, if the husband is the leader, doesn't that make the wife the follower?

First off, I'm only saying that men should be the leader in marriage. And before you judge me as a chauvinist, let me make a few points:

Why Leadership is NOT Sexist:

  • Everyone is both a follower and leader in various roles. We all follow Barack Obama. We all follow our boss. We're always the leader to our kids. In all relationships, one person is the leader and everyone else in the relationship is then, by default, the follower - that part isn't up for debate. In marriage, it just so happens that all the evidence I've seen says that both men and women are happier when the man takes on the leadership responsibility.
  • One role isn't better, more important, or more fulfilling than the other. Any leader that feels superior to his followers because of his role is a fool, and is probably be a bad leader.?
  • Men don't want to be the leader. This is why it's so easy for so many men to neglect their leadership responsibilities. For most men, leadership does NOT come naturally. Which, again, is why this leadership mandate doesn't extend beyond marriage.
  • It doesn't really matter if it's sexist because it works; both men and women are happier when the husband takes charge of the marriage.

In the end, there's probably no better argument than simply asking yourself what you think a woman wants in a man.

What Kind of Man Does a Woman Want?

Man A

  • Confident and self-assured
  • Decisive; knows what he wants
  • Strong, like a rock
  • Proactive; always makes the first move
  • Shows love unconditionally

Man B

  • Doubts himself
  • Looks to someone else to make decisions
  • Cracks under pressure
  • Waits for you to make the first move
  • Doesn't think showing love is his job

If you can read the above lists and honestly tell me, whether you're a man or a woman, that you think most women would rather have Man B, then fine... I admit it. I'm wrong.

On the other hand, if you think Man A will always lead a happier marriage than Man B; if you think that Man A is the type of man you want to be for your wife; then you've come to the right place. 

"You don't have to be the perfect husband; you just have to take responsibility for your marriage"

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I'm not saying that a marriage in which the wife is the leader can't work at all. For a little while, sure, things will go smoothly. But eventually one of two things happen when the husband doesn't lead the marriage:

  • The wife takes the leadership role. Over time, she grows tired of always telling her husband what to do. She starts feeling more like his mother than his wife.
  • Nobody takes the leadership role. The marriage stagnates, and both people feel a growing distance in the relationship. Eventually, your wife will say something like, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."

If you'd like to learn more about what it takes to be the kind of husband we're all called to be, then I recommend reading my free ebook:

Other Resources:

If there's a specific challenge you're facing right now, try looking for the answer in the appropriate section below (click to expand):

Dealing with an Affair (Emotional or Physical)

If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, thanks for reading and enjoy your stay on Husband Help Haven!

With much manly love,
 - Stephen

If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, thanks for reading and enjoy your stay on Husband Help Haven!

With much manly love,
 – Stephen