12-Week Porn Addiction Withdrawal Walkthrough

Porn Addiction Withdrawal Walkthrough

Do you feel worse now that you’ve stopped looking at porn?

Knowing what to expect when you’re going through porn addiction withdrawal is crucial to fighting temptation. When you understand what your body is going to throw at you, it’s a lot easier to say, “This is normal and I just have to get through it.”

If you know anyone who’s ever tried to quit smoking, these withdrawal symptoms will look pretty familiar. Studies have shown that withdrawal from porn and masturbation is just as severe as withdrawal from heroin or cocaine.

As you continue reading, you’ll get a day-by-day walk-through of the most common stages of porn addiction withdrawal.

1 to 7 Days Without Porn

The first thing that happens when you quit is that your Dopamine levels take a nose-dive. As you learned about in the Porn Addiction Symptoms article, Dopamine is the chemical your brain surges into your system every time you look at porn.

In these first few days, your brain is literally in shock.

Many men start experiencing these withdrawal symptoms within 48 hours of quitting:

  • Grumpiness – Every little thing will irritate you. For me, I became extremely cynical about everything around me.
  • Mood swings – As your brain tries to rebalance itself, you’ll feel like a teenage girl having her first period… Happy one minute and on the verge of tears the next. Seriously.
  • Headaches – I didn’t ever experience intense migraines like some men report, but I did get subtle pressure headaches that lasted for hours at a time.
  • Anxiety – Some men have legitimate panic attacks, but I experienced this more as a general feeling of stress. From the first three days for the next three months, I always felt like I had way too much to do.
  • Pornographic Thoughts – Temptation during the first week is extremely intense. This is because your last pornographic experience is still fresh on your mind. We’ll talk more about this below.

The Seven-Day Craving

Can you quit looking at porn for an entire week?

For most men reading this, the answer is no. The classic test of addiction is whether or not you can make it a full seven days without even looking at porn. That’s because of the Seven-Day Craving, a classic pitfall for first-time quitters.

The Seven-Day Craving is exactly what it sounds like… You’ll usually experience very intense cravings around Day 7 without looking at porn. For some men, you’ll get your 7-Day Craving at Day 21. For some men, it’ll come at Day 5 and last ‘til Day 10.

Read more: [How to resist temptation to look at porn.] (coming soon)

1 to 3 Weeks Without Porn

Congratulations! You made it past the first week. You’ve still got a long road ahead of you, but you should still pat yourself on the back for making it this far.

These are the most common symptoms men report after the initial one-week hump:

  • Zombie-like State – Because your brain has been deprived of its regular Dopamine highs, it’s common for abstainers to enter a sluggish, zombie-like state. Expect low energy levels to last anywhere from two weeks to two months.
  • Unable to Focus – I could not work efficiently in the first few weeks after I quit. The constant fatigue somehow made me feel restless, and things that normally took 30 minutes were now taking an hour. I had no motivation and no focus.
  • Social Awkwardness – It’s hard to accurately describe this symptom, but many men echoed that they felt awkward or exposed in social settings. It feels like you constantly have your foot in your mouth.
  • Low Sex Drive – You might expect your sex drive to be bursting at the seams after going without porn for a week or two, but many men report the exact opposite. Although porn will still ignite temptation when you think about it, any other sexual activity may not sound appealing while your brain reboots.
  • Loneliness – This website is mostly tailored towards married men, but you single men especially will have trouble with this one. You’ll experience loneliness, and you’ll want to escape it with porn. Don’t give in!

4 to 8 Weeks Without Porn

28 days without any porn or masturbation is when about 50% of men start feeling the initial porn addiction withdrawals start to go away.

For the rest of you, keep going, you’re relief is just a few weeks away!

Heavily addicted men will probably need another month or two. Even if you still struggle with withdrawal symptoms, by now you’ve at least gotten used to going through each day without porn. Looking at it is no longer a habit.

Here’s what’s happening in your brain right now:

The “layers” of addicting Delta Fos-B which built up in your brain due to repeated Dopamine overdosing are starting to disintegrate. Your brain is it essentially re-wiring itself to function with normal levels of Dopamine.

Here are some specific withdrawals to look out for from days 30 to 60:

  • Random Temptation – There have been so many times that I’ve made it to four or five weeks without looking at porn, only to have a single bad day that sent me hurtling back into relapse.
  • Bursts of Overwhelming Emotion – You may be reading a book, looking out the window or lying in bed when suddenly you feel yourself tearing up about nothing in particular.
  • Insomnia – Men who were heavily addicted to porn for a long time are the most likely to experience insomnia in this stage of recovery. Insomnia due to withdrawal is nearly impossible to treat, and over-the-counter sleep aids probably won’t do much to help.
  • Depression – Again, not all men will suffer from depression, and some may experience it much earlier in the withdrawal process. It’s not uncommon for this depression to last several weeks, but it always goes away eventually.

2 Months & Beyond

If you’ve made it two solid months without looking at porn at all, then you’re starting to notice some definite improvements in your life.

  • You’re starting to feel happier
  • Your sex drive is coming back in a healthy way
  • You have more energy and focus than ever before
  • Your marriage actually feels fulfilling and your wife looks gorgeous

The longest that I’ve ever heard porn addiction withdrawal symptoms last without any relapse is seven months. That was in a 45 year-old man who’d been looking at porn multiple times a day for thirty years.

For me, four months without porn was the turning point for my withdrawal symptoms, but it took me two miserable years to get there.

That’s why there’s one thing that you absolutely must remember at all times:

Never
Ever
Let Your Guard Down

Temptation could come at any turn, and years down the road you may still face a spark of temptation every now and then. But if you can keep yourself away from porn without any relapse for a full two months, I guarantee you’ll start noticing some changes.

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Porn Addiction Symptoms – How Porn Morphs Your Brain

Porn Addiction Symptoms

Did you know that erectile dysfunction is the most common reason that young men decide to stop looking at porn?

And this isn’t any normal ED we’re talking about either… ED from Internet porn addiction is completely untreatable. Viagra won’t work because the problem is in your brain, not below the belt.

As you continue reading, you’ll learn that erectile dysfunction isn’t the only or even the worst porn addiction symptom. But first, let’s talk about why excessive porn use leads to addiction:

Why is Porn Addictive?

Since you’re here reading this, obviously you know that porn is addictive. But do you know why?

If you haven’t already, watch this quick 10-minute TED Talk called The Great Porn Experiment by Gary Wilson about the effects of porn on your brain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

Basically, your brain reacts the same way to porn as it does to meth, heroin or crack. Here’s exactly how the addiction forms:

Step-by-Step Porn Addiction Process:

  1. You look at a pornographic image or video.
  2. Your brain believes that you’re looking at a potential mate, so it releases the “happy chemical”, Dopamine.
  3. Dopamine makes you feel good and gives your brain the drive to finish mating.
  4. Because the Internet provides you with an unlimited supply of fresh mates, your brain tells you to binge like a rabbit during mating season.
  5. When you “finish”, you’re completely exhausted as your brain tries to process the extreme amounts of Dopamine.

Now, if you stopped right here and never looked at porn again, you’d be fine.

But you don’t.

If you’re anything like most men, you were first exposed at a young age and have looked at porn ever since. So, here’s what happens next as your brain reacts to chronic porn use:

The Effects of Chronic Porn Use:

  • After several months (or even years), your brain becomes desensitized to the Dopamine you’re flooding it with.
  • In order to maintain long-term sensitivity to Dopamine, your brain produces a protein called Delta Fos-B (pronounced fawz-be).
  • After the first time your brain makes Delta Fos-B, it’ll keep producing more with each cumulative porn use.
  • Over time, multiple layers of Delta Fos-B accumulate inside your brain’s “pleasure center”, the Nucleus Ambens.
  • As it builds up, Delta Fos-B creates a compulsive response in your brain that makes you feel like you need Dopamine.
  • Your brain associates Dopamine with porn, and so therefore that need for Dopamine becomes a need for porn.

And that’s when you’re addicted.

The more Delta Fos-B that’s stored in your brain’s Nucleus Ambens, the stronger your compulsion for Dopamine will be. This process explains where your porn cravings come from and why they grow stronger over time.

How Long Does it Take Your Brain to Rewire?

In most cases, Delta Fos-B will stick around in your brain for about eight weeks. However, every time you’re exposed to porn, you reset that timer AND you make your cravings stronger than they were before.

Scientists still don’t understand everything about Delta Fos-B or the neurochemical process behind addiction. All we know for sure is that it takes a minimum of eight weeks for your brain to clean itself and go back to normal.

Fun Fact: The younger you are, the longer it will take your brain to cleanse Delta Fos-B. If you’re younger than 30, it could take up to 16 weeks before your brain is back to normal.

Common Porn Addiction Symptoms

We already said at the beginning of this post that a common symptom of porn addiction is erectile dysfunction. This is because porn desensitizes your brain to normal sexual activity. So, even if you can get hard enough for intercourse, most addicted men will struggle to climax from real-life sex.

However, most porn addiction symptoms actually aren’t physical. Here are some of the most commonly cited symptoms in men today:

  • ADHD or an inability to concentrate
  • Depression
  • Mood swings
  • Anti-social behavior or social anxiety
  • Performance anxiety
  • Obsessive tendencies
  • Disinterest in real women
  • An escalating need for more extreme or taboo porn
  • Mental fogginess
  • Loss of willpower or discipline
  • Zombie-like feeling, especially during the afternoon
  • Grumpiness or irritability
  • Constant feeling of guilt or fear

Notice that these symptoms are completely different from [porn addiction withdrawal symptoms]. These are only the symptoms you’ll notice WHILE you’re addicted, although they may continue until your brain resets back to normal.

Recommended: The Possible Pitfalls of Porn @ The Art of Manliness

Hopefully by now you see just how serious porn addiction is. The chemicals that your brain creates when you use porn – Dopamine and Delta Fos-B – are the exact same ones it creates when you use cocaine or meth.

This is why it’s so difficult to stop looking at porn. You’ll need the same strength of will as a junky in rehab, except you’re the only one in control of your recovery.

But trust me as someone who’s been there – when you’re finally free of your addiction, you’ll look back and say that all the pain of quitting was worth it.

I beat it, and you will too!

If you have any further questions, you can go back to [Porn Addiction 101] for more help.

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The “Am I Addicted to Porn?” Quiz

Am I Addicted to Porn

Being addicted to porn is just like being addicted to drugs or alcohol. So, it shouldn't come as any surprise that most men won’t let themselves admit they’re addicted. Denial is a strong state of mind!

Here's the brutal truth - If you've ever actually asked yourself the question, “Am I addicted to porn,” then the answer is probably yes.

But don't take my word for it... If you want to know for sure whether you've got a porn problem, complete this 25-question quiz using the instructions below:

Porn Addiction Quiz:

Answer 25 Yes or No Questions
Get Your Score After You're Done

Instructions: Grab a piece of paper or open a text document to keep track of your answers. Answer Yes or No to each question and write down your answer. We'll tally your score at the end of the quiz.

#1.  Do you look at porn more than seven hours per week?

#2.  Last week, did you look at porn at least five of the seven days?

#3.  Do you find yourself spending hours at a time browsing during each “session”?

#4.  Do you ever stay up way too late just to look at porn?

#5.  Do you ever look at NSFW material while you’re at work?

#6.  Have you ever looked at porn instead of spending time with friends or family?

#7.  Do you ever get a gut feeling that you should try to stop, or that you look at it just a little too much?

#8.  When you’re being intimate with your wife, do you ever have trouble "finishing"?

#9.  Do you ever fantasize about porn during real sexual encounters, even if it’s accidentally?

#10.  Do you find yourself looking at kinkier or harder-core porn over time?

#11.  Have you ever paid for porn of any kind?

#12.  Have you ever paid for adult chat or webcam sites?

You're halfway done!
Pat yourself on the back for making it this far  :-)

#13.  Do you ever watch porn even when it would be extremely easy to get caught or get in serious trouble?

#14.  Have you ever tried to stop looking at porn before?

#15.  Do you use porn as a reward or to make yourself feel better?

#16.  Are you irritable, anxious or grumpy when you haven’t looked at porn for a few days? (pay attention next time and find out)

#17.  Have you regularly looked at porn for longer than one year?

#18.  Have you ever lied to your wife about if or how much you look at sexual content?

#19.  Are you unhappy with your sex life (outside of porn)?

#20.  Have you ever looked at inappropriate material in a public place, like in your car or while you’re at work?

#21.  Do you try to get your wife or girlfriend to do the things that you see people doing in porn?

#22.  When you’re watching it, do you find yourself skimming through tons of images/videos, wanting to find the “perfect” scene to finish with?

#23.  Do you keep a hidden folder or bookmarks where you save your favorite adult finds?

#24.  Do you ever find yourself counting down the hours until the next time you can get some alone time with your computer (or phone, tablet, etc.)?

#25.  Has the fact that you look at porn had a negative impact on any of your relationships?

That’s it! You've now completed your porn addiction quiz.

Now all you need to do is count up the number of times you answered “Yes” and then find the appropriate scoring in the section below:

How to Score Your Quiz Results:

You Answered 5 or Less YES’s

If you scored less than 5 Yes’s, there’s a 50/50 chance you’re lying to yourself about at least some of these answers. The first thing you should do is go back and make sure you’re being totally honest.

If you’re still here, then congratulations! You probably aren't addicted to porn. At least, not in the way that many men reading this are.

Keep in mind that porn statistics tell us only 1 in 200 porn-viewing adults believe they’re addicted, but 70% of men and 20% of women look at porn at least once a month.

The moral is that you shouldn't take your low score here as a reason to keep looking at porn… Stop while you’re ahead. There are plenty of [reasons to stop looking at porn] even if you’re not addicted.

You Answered 6 to 12 YES’s

You’re addicted to porn, but it’s not too late to quit cold turkey without extreme difficulty. Still, no one should underestimate how hard it is to stop a regular porn habit.

If you’re in this score range and you don’t take immediate action, I can guarantee you that porn will continue to worm itself deeper into your brain. Quit now because it will only ever get harder to quit, and months will turn into years as your sex life continues to decay.

Seriously, make today the day that you start saying “no”. It will only get harder tomorrow.

You Answered 13 or More YES’s:

Want to know what my score would've been when I first realized I had a porn addiction?

25 out of 25.

I would've said “Yes” to every single question up there. In fact, that’s how I came up with this quiz… I just thought about all the things I did that I've seen other addicts do too.

If this is you, I’m sorry. Really and truly, I am. I've been there and I know it’s going to be a long and difficult road. But you must face it. You have to conquer your habit.

For the sake of your marriage, your wife, your kids and yourself, you MUST beat your porn addiction. From this day forth, you’re David and porn is your Goliath. Time to man up and kill the giant!

Wherever you scored, my advice is to go back to [Porn Addiction 101] and figure out what to do from here. Whether you want to [quit looking at porn] or learn more about [what porn does to your brain], we've got you covered inside Husband Help Haven.

Alternatively, you can share or email this quiz to someone using the buttons below.

Thanks for reading!

Much manly love,
– Jacob

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26 Shocking Porn Statistics Most Men Don’t Know

Porn Statistics Most Men Dont Know

Porn is harmless, right? Just a little private pleasure; something you can do on the side without making any sacrifice.

How many other men tell themselves the same thing? As you read through the statistics below, you’ll know.

There’s no doubt the Internet has changed how people look at porn. Today, porn’s easy accessibility has made it more and more popular over time. But you probably don’t realize just how many people have been affected by the porn epidemic.

Here are 26 shocking statistics that will change the way you think about pornography:

26 Porn Statistics, Grouped by Category

How Many People Really Look at Porn?

?How many people really look at porn? How often do they look at it? Is there any difference between men and women?

  • As you’re reading this, there are 30,000 people watching porn right now in the US.
  • 40 million US adults admit to regularly visiting mature websites. Only 200,000 of those, or 1 out of 200, believe they’re addicted to porn.
  • There will be 2 ½ billion Internet searches for porn in 2014. That’s 25% of all searches.
  • ?Porn is a $90 billion worldwide business; $13 billion in the US alone.
  • ?70% of men and 20% of women report looking at porn at least once a month.
  • Only 6% of men claim that they’ve NEVER looked at porn.

The People in the Porn Industry

Few people bother learning about the men and women they're watching in porn. Here are a few interesting statistics about their lifestyles:

  • Almost 70% of actors and actresses in the adult film industry have Herpes.
  • Only 17% of the men in heterosexual porn use a condom.
  • ?50% of the professional performers in porn use ecstasy, 79% use marijuana and 44% use cocaine.
  • ?88% of professionally produced adult movies feature scenes with physical aggression or dominance.
  • “Teen” is the most popular category for adult videos.

Porn in Marriage

How is porn use impacting otherwise healthy marriages? What happens in a relationship where one partner looks at porn?

  • When one spouse is using porn, 68% of couples report a decrease in their sex life.
  • In 68% of divorces, one spouse has met a new lover over the Internet.
  • ?In 56% of divorces, at least one spouse has an “obsessive interest in porn.”
  • ?75% of the time, a spouse’s porn viewing will be discovered on accident.
  • 70% of wives who've discovered their husband's porn addiction display signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Porn in the Family

How has the increased availability of porn affected the average family? How has it affected our kids?

  • 47% of all US families claim that pornography is an existing problem with someone in their home.
  • 11 years old is the age at which the average child will be exposed to porn, although about one out of five report being age 10 or younger.
  • ?75% of teenagers say their parents have never discussed porn with them.
  • 42% of teens frequently clear their browsing history to hide porn usage from their parents.
  • Kids and teens exposed to porn are more likely to...
    • Suffer from depression
    • Have sex at an earlier age
    • Put a high priority on casual sex
    • Cheat on their partners later in life
    • Pressure another kid or teen to do something sexual

Porn, Productivity and Crime

The impact of widespread porn use has extended out of our homes and into our workplace. Plus, learn how porn pushes people to crime.

  • 116,000 people will use search engines to look for child pornography every single day.
  • People who look at porn are 22% more likely to commit a sexual crime.
  • 30% of working adults admit to downloading or viewing porn on the job.
  • 2/3 of Human Resources professionals discovered porn on an employee’s work computer. 43% of those say it happens regularly.

As you can see, you're far from the only one who's looking at porn, and it's NOT just something you can do on the side. Porn is a very real problem for our marriages, our families, our country, and even for our world.

Here are the key takeaways from these statistics:

  1. Looking at porn is statistically proven to make your marriage worse
  2. Looking at porn will make you a worse man overall, even outside your marriage.
  3. Most people who look at porn are addicted, but only 1 in 200 are willing to admit it.

If you're interested in learning more, I highly recommend you go over and take our quick 25-Question Porn Addiction Quiz (coming soon), which will help you understand where to go from here.

Alternatively, you'd probably like reading through this post I wrote about 5 Non-Sexual Ways Porn Ruined My Life (coming soon). That post will completely change the way you think about what you're doing.

Sources:

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The Good Husband’s Guide to Solving Marriage Problems

Solving Marriage Problems

This weekend, I remembered just how tough it can be to solve marriage problems.

It all started when I got into a fight with my wife on the Sunday after Thanksgiving…

Here’s what sparked the conflict:

Michele’s family had invited us to their church’s annual Thanksgiving dinner, which started at 6:00 PM on Sunday. Everything was fine until Sunday afternoon when her mom informed us that she wanted to get there 45 minutes early to make sure we got a good table and had plenty of time to chat with friends. My wife wanted us to go with them at the same time.

Groannnnnn…

That’s exactly what I did. I complained.

“It’s a paid-entry event,” I said, “They can’t run out of seats!”

“There’ll be plenty of time to talk to people after we’re done eating,” I said.

“Can’t we leave at 5:30 instead of 5:00?” I said.

I complained, I put up a fight and I didn’t apologize – eventually my wife got mad enough that she stormed out of the house and went to her parents’.

That’s the problem; what did I do to fix it? [Read more…]

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The Ultimate “Am I Having an Emotional Affair?” Quiz

Online Emotional Affair QuizAre you wondering whether you’ve strayed into the realm of emotional infidelity?

Has someone other than your spouse become your top priority?

Or maybe you’re here reading this because your husband or wife wants you to see that your relationship with that “close friend” is actually an emotional affair.

Here’s an emotional affair definition.

Here’s another one.

Nine times out of ten, if you need to ask yourself the question, “Am I having an emotional affair?” the answer is probably “Yes.” And if your spouse is worried that you’re in an emotional affair, you probably are.

Please, for the sake of your marriage, be honest with yourself as you read through this quiz. It’s only 15 yes-or-no questions, so you’ll be done in a matter of minutes. If you’re ready, grab a piece of paper or open a text file to keep track of your answers. [Read more…]

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How to Forgive an Emotional Affair

How to Forgive an Emotional AffairAre you struggling to put the past behind you?

What follows is a simple guide on how to forgive an emotional affair.

It’s common knowledge that the lies, deception and broken trust caused by emotional infidelity are near impossible to recover from. They can be just as hard to forgive as a physical affair.

It’s normal to have trouble moving forward if your wife has fallen in love with another man, so don’t think less of yourself for being here reading this.

If you’re unable to let go of the distrust, hurt, frustration and blame that all come with emotional cheating, then this is for you. As you continue reading, you’ll learn how to forgive an emotional affair and begin moving towards a better marriage. [Read more…]

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How to Permanently End an Emotional Affair in 6 Steps

How to End an Emotional AffairAre you struggling to put an end to your emotional affair?

Do you need help cutting yourself off from something that’s already gone on too long?

As you continue reading, you’re going to learn exactly how to end an emotional affair. I won’t lie – rebuilding trust will be an extremely difficult task. However, with a predetermined plan, specific goals and some good ol’ fashioned elbow grease, your marriage can return to its former glory and beyond.

This article is about the specific actions that a wayward wife must take to completely sever the extramarital relationship she’s entangled in. Ladies – this is how you can show your husband that he’s your top priority. [Read more…]

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How to Survive an Emotional Affair and Keep Your Manhood

How to Survive an Emotional AffairIs your wife in love with another man? Does she continue pushing you away and defiling your marriage?

Are you worried that you won’t be able to survive her emotional affair?

Whether or not your wife is aware that you know about her infidelity, if she continues to involve herself with another man, then it’s going to take an immense amount of strength and endurance on your part to save the marriage.

As you continue reading, you’re going to learn 6 simple steps to ease the pain of your wife’s emotional unfaithfulness.

These are the steps I wish I’d known when I was facing emotional infidelity, back in the relationship I had before meeting my wife. Even though I still would’ve left the relationship, they may have helped maintain my sanity. Never quite got all of that back ;-) [Read more…]

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Emotional Affair Signs – Does Your Wife Love Another Man?

Common Emotional Affair SignsAre you suspicious that your wife is having an emotional affair?

You may be seeing common emotional affair signs without even knowing it…

If you have a sneaking suspicion that your wife is being intimate with another man, then this article will help you discover the truth.

As you continue reading, you’ll learn the most common signs of an emotional affair.

You’ll also learn the “why” behind these common emotional affair warning signs, although of course there’s much more of that kind of information in Emotional Affair Recovery 101. [Read more…]

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What Is An Emotional Affair?

What is an emotional affair? What is an Emotional Affair

To put it simply, an affair of the heart.

An emotional affair is mental affection without physical affection. It’s when your wife enjoys talking to someone else, being around someone else and flirting with someone else more than she does with you.

It’s when she feels closer to another man, and therefore gives him more attention, than she does you. [Read more…]

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Good Communication Won’t Save Your Marriage – What?!

Open Communication Won't Save Your MarriageAre you facing marriage problems with your wife?

Do you feel like it’s impossible to get on the same emotional wavelength, like she’s not actually hearing anything you say?

Or maybe you feel like no matter what you do, your wife still isn’t satisfied with your marriage.

If any of the above ring true, then this article was written for you. And don’t worry, you’re not alone.

As you continue reading, we’re going to bust one of the most common myths you’ll hear about how to get your wife back.

Can you guess what it is?

The title says it all… [Read more…]

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How to Talk To Your Wife When She’s Leaving

How to Talk to Your Wife When Shes LeavingIf you’re like most men, then when your wife said that she wanted to leave, you felt one thing above all:

Fear.

Yeah, sure, maybe you felt angry too, or maybe you felt overwhelming sadness.

But I’m willing to bet that if you stopped for a second to examine the source of those feelings, you’d find that the root of your anger or sadness is actually…

Fear. [Read more…]

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What’s the Real Reason Your Wife Wants to Leave?

Real Reason Your Wife Wants to Leave“Help! I know my wife wants to leave our marriage, but I don’t know why.”

“If I knew what the problem was, then I could fix it – I’m willing to do anything for my wife!”

“Everything I’ve tried so far seems like it’s only made things worse. Please help me find out the real reason my wife wants to leave!”

I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve received that open with statements similar to those above.

Whether your wife has already said she’s leaving or you can just feel it in your heart, you’re facing a problem and you know it. If you’re anything like most men, this problem has left you confused and frustrated with no clue how to move forward, much less how to repair your marriage.

As you continue reading, I’m going to ask you five concrete questions to help you discover the REAL reason your wife wants to leave your marriage.

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My Wife is Threatening to Leave Me, What Do I Do?

My Wife is Threatening to Leave Me, What do I do?“My wife has threatened to leave me, what do I do? I had no idea things were this bad.

I feel like I have to act now but I have no idea how to change her mind… Please help!”

I saw this message on the TalkAboutMarriage.com forum yesterday, and sadly it’s not at all unusual.

How many times has your wife threatened to leave? If you have no idea what to do, don’t worry… You’re not alone.

When your wife does something like this, suddenly all the problems in your marriage seem a lot more real. Nothing brings to light the stark reality of a broken marriage more clearly than an unhappy wife who has finally had enough. [Read more…]

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What’s the Secret Ingredient for a Happy Marriage?

Leadership.Secret Ingredient for Happy Marriage

Very few will tell you it’s needed for a happy marriage.

Even fewer will tell you that Leadership is the husband’s responsibility.

And yet… It’s likely the only trait that has the power to single-handedly save your relationship with your wife.

As you continue reading, you’ll learn more about what it means to be a husbandly leader, and how you can use this trait to turn your marriage around.
[Read more…]

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9 Meaningful Gift Ideas Your Wife Will Love

Gift ideas for your wifeWhether you’re having marriage problems or not, I can promise you one thing… Your wife will always appreciate a good gift.

It doesn’t have to be her birthday, it doesn’t be Valentine’s Day, it doesn’t have to be Christmas… Your wife will love a nice gift anytime, anywhere.

They say that you can’t buy happiness, but I beg to differ. In this article, you’ll discover 9 gift ideas for your wife to help you buy that happiness for your wife.

Obviously, I’m not trying to tell you that money should be the center of your marriage, but I am telling you that a heartfelt gift can go a long way. Never underestimate how meaningful your appreciation is for your wife.

[Read more…]

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What is the Average Cost of Marriage Counseling?

Average cost of marriage counseling“My wife and I have definite problems in our marriage. We’re slipping apart, but I really want to fix it!”

“Everyone keeps telling me to try marriage counseling, but I don’t know much about it…” 

“What’s the average cost of marriage counseling? Is it worth it? Will marriage counseling save my marriage?”

[Read more…]

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10 Signs Your Wife Wants a Divorce

Signs Your Wife Wants a Divorce“I think my wife wants out of our marriage; should I be worried?”

What are some common signs my wife wants a divorce?”

Unfortunately, more and more husbands are facing divorce… Depending on who you look to for statistics, divorce rates in America are somewhere between 30% and 50%, and they’ve been rising constantly for the past 30 years.

Today, there are more men than ever wondering whether their wives are planning on leaving, or if their marriage is standing on its last leg.

Without further ado, here are 10 of the most common signs your wife wants a divorce. I don’t want to waste any of your time here, so let’s go ahead and get right into it. [Read more…]

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My Wife is Leaving Because I Lost My Job

Wife leaving because I lost my job“Things have been rough lately; my wife is leaving me because I lost my job, and now everything in my life is falling apart. I have no idea what to do… Help!”

I got this email the other day, and sadly it isn’t the first time.

If this is you, life hasn’t been kind to you lately. Maybe things have been bad at home for a while. Maybe they haven’t. Either way, you lost your job and now your wife is threatening to leave, too.

What did you do to deserve this?

Why does it feel like everything solid in your life has suddenly turned into hot air?

As you continue reading this article, you’re going to learn how to get your head on straight. By the time you’re done, you’ll be a stronger man, a happier man, and an all-around manlier man.

Life Sucks.

You Lost Your Job
Now You Might Lose Your Wife

I know that things are really difficult for you right now. Unfortunately, they’re not going to get any easier. But, you can get stronger.

First, recognize that this is supposed to be stressful. If it didn’t feel like too much to handle, something would be wrong. You’re not going crazy.

Even though the recession is technically on the upswing, the economy is still very tough right now. Frankly, making a decent living isn’t easy… Providing for your family has never been harder, especially without your wife’s support.

Recognize that you can’t see things clearly right now. You need help, and that’s okay! That’s why Husband Help Haven exists. So, let me lay it out very clearly for you:

You need to stay strong. Let’s start by defining what that doesn’t mean:

  • Being strong doesn’t mean being emotionless.
  • It doesn’t mean turning cold and apathetic towards your family.

Now let’s look at what husbandly strength does mean:

  • Being strong does mean that you hold onto your dignity, that you remain confident about the future and about yourself.
  • Being strong does mean that you’re focusing on your own happiness and the happiness of those around you instead of everything wrong in your life.
  • Being strong does mean that you count your blessings, even in this dark time.
  • Being strong does mean that you recognize that life is seasonal; you will come out of this time of suffering as a better man.

No matter where you’re at, trust me, there are men who’d kill to be in your position. I get emails from them everyday; men who have literally no hope for a brighter future because their wife cheated, or simply packed up and left.

You do have hope. You can find a way. You have what it takes.

Have faith that things will work out okay. Life will keep moving forward.

With that out of the way, let’s get one thing straight:

Your Wife is NOT Leaving You Because You Got Laid Off

I know that the way it seems right now, you think that your wife is leaving you because you lost your job.

I’m here to tell you that’s not the reason. I can guarantee she’d thought about leaving before that.

Is that good news or not? Let’s find out…

The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back

Think about these questions:

  • Outside of job loss, what other reasons might your marriage be on the rocks?
  • How long has it been since you and your wife flirted the way you did when you were dating?
  • Does it seem like you’ve been getting into more and more fights lately, even before the job loss?

If any of these questions describe your marriage, then its likely that losing your job was NOT the cause of your wife threatening to leave. There were already problems, and the job loss was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back.

In other words, she may have ended up leaving eventually anyways, regardless of your employment status.

Even though it sounds weird, the job loss may be a good thing if it brings these problems to light and allows you and your wife to work through them sooner rather than later. You never know.

Is Your Wife a Weak Person?

There are two types of people in this world… Those who face confrontation head-on, and those who turn and run the other way.

When faced with problems, does your wife fight or flight?

Think of it like this:

Job loss has attacked your marriage. It’s a beatable enemy, but your wife has chosen to retreat rather than regroup (with you) for a counterattack.

Here’s a good way to measure whether your wife is the fight or flight type of person:

Would You Have Left,
If You Were Wearing Her Shoes?

Has there ever been a time when your wife was weak and in need, and you supported her?

If the roles were switched, what would you be doing right now?

You’d probably be distraught, but would you be thinking about divorce? Would you want out of the marriage?

Or would you still be by her side, committed to making the most of the hand life’s dealt you?

Now, I’m not saying you should be glad your wife is leaving, or that you should blame her for wanting to leave. That type of thinking will only make you bitter. Instead, take it upon yourself to man up. This is the secret to a happier, healthier marriage.

Keep this in mind as you continue reading. It’s a useful insight to have under your belt. Somehow, she’s become weak. It’s not necessarily her fault, it’s just how it is right now. As the husband, it’s your job to be strong.

Are You Sure You Want Your Wife Back?

This is a hard question to answer, but it’s one you have to think about to have any hope for a brighter future. Are you sure you want your wife back?

Think about it. It’s a serious and legitimate question. Some reasons you might not include:

  • She had an affair and you can’t forgive her.
  • She already filed for divorce and talking to her will just make it worse.
  • You simply don’t want to man up and save your marriage.

Think about it. These are issues you’ll have to work through eventually, so you might as well start now. If there’s something keeping you from wanting a happy marriage with your wife, you need to address that before moving forward.

How to Get Your Wife Back After Losing Your Job

If you’re still here reading, I’m going to assume that you DO in fact want to stay with your wife even though she wants to leave you.

That’s awesome. Congratulations!

So, how can you romance your wife and rekindle your marriage? It’s not complex, just difficult. I’ve broken down the process into 2 different steps you need to take.

That’s right, there are just 2 steps to get your wife back. Can’t get much easier than that, can it?

Step 1:
Focus on Finding a Job & Staying Stable

This first step is about clarity. It’s about stepping out of denial and seeing things clearly. It’s about facing the truth.

Whether you like it or not, you don’t know whether your wife will be a part of your life even just one month from now. All you have right now is you (and your kids, if applicable). So, organize your life accordingly…

  1. Focus on becoming emotionally stable and confident once again. It’s important that your wife sees you independently regain confidence.
  2. Focus on looking for a new job, and if you can’t find one, then start doing odd jobs or selling your stuff on eBay. Just do something to put money in the bank.
  3. Focus on enjoying the simple things in life. Recognize that you are more than just a husband; you’re a man. Your wife doesn’t define your purpose or your identity.

You might be thinking this all seems like a pessimistic way to approach the problem. But, even though it sounds like you’re distancing yourself from your wife, she’ll actually find herself drawn closer to you… That’s the secret to getting your wife back.

  • She’ll see that you’re taking action, not just ‘saying’ you’ll get a job and then sitting around all day in misery, like many men do.
  • You’ll become more attractive to her when she sees that you’re not desperate to get her back. Currently, as you’re reading this, your wife views herself on a higher level than you. If she wants out, it’s because she thinks she can do better. But, as you get out and start enjoying life, her perspective will change. She’ll see that you don’t need her, and that will instantly make you attractive.
  • She’ll start believing in you because of your confidence that everything will be okay… The loss of your job will no longer seem like the end of the world or a good reason to leave the marriage.

So, take me seriously here! Stop focusing on the problems. Start looking for the solutions.

One of the biggest things I learned from this marriage course for men is that you won’t get your wife back by dwelling in your own self-pity. Go out and start looking for a job. Prove to her that you’re living above the economy, and that there’s nothing to worry about through good times or bad.

Important! If and when you do get a new job, do NOT lavish your wife with gifts. You don’t want to reward her for wanting to leave, and you also don’t want to seem desperate. You can’t buy your wife’s love. Put food on the table, go on dates with her if she’s open to it, but don’t think that a new job means anything for your marriage until she’s said that it does.

Of course, use your best judgment and trust your gut, but that’s my two cents. Just remember that actions speak louder than words.

Step 2:
Remember the Man She Fell in Love With

At some point, your wife found you extremely attractive. She found herself magnetically pulled to you; she loved being around you and craved it with every fiber of her being.

Over time, that feeling has faded, and the job loss may be what erased it completely. As you’re looking for a job and finding independent stability, chances are you’ve already begun feeling differently about yourself.

You’re remembering what it’s like to be a man. Focus on that feeling!

Rekindle your old self, remind your wife what she’s in it for, and see if she doesn’t start finding you more attractive.

  • You Used To Be Independent – Your wife loved being around you because you stood out… The world is a crappy place, but you weren’t; you made her think about something more.
  • You Used to Be Strong – I don’t mean physically, I mean in your outlook on life. You didn’t let anything get you down. What the world dealt you didn’t matter, because you both loved each other so much it didn’t matter. Your strength of self fueled that confidence.
  • You Used to Be a Provider – Not a provider of money, but of love and affection. Your wife felt happy with you and felt content with you. You left her wanting nothing because YOU were enough for her.

Somewhere in there, your wife stopped viewing you this way. You need to renew her appreciation for you, back to what it was before.

  • What’s different about yourself now than when you first got married?
  • What’s changed about you?
  • What’s gotten worse and what’s gotten better?

Do You Want to Be the Best Man You Can Be?

My hope is that after reading this article, you’ve gained some valuable insights into why your wife wants to leave you. Remember that it’s NOT just because you lost your job. And that’s good news because it means you don’t need a fancy new job to get her back.

I encourage you to look through more of the free stuff available for you here on Husband Help Haven. I also have a free ebook for you to download, The 9 Essential Traits of a Good Husband, which you can download right below this post.

Whatever you do from here, I wish you the best of luck and I really hope that your marriage improves.

With much manly love,
– Jacob

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My Wife Wants Divorce for Online Infidelity

Wife wants divorce for looking at pornDid your wife catch you chatting online with another woman?

Or maybe she found you using one of those adult webcam sites…

Or maybe she found your browsing history and discovered a plethora of porn.

Whatever the specific problem was, it doesn’t really matter now. What matters is that your wife caught you committing virtual infidelity and now she wants a divorce. As you continue reading, you’ll learn what you can do to make amends for your mistake.

[Read more…]

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9 Common Sense Pieces of Divorce Advice for Men

divorce advice for men“My wife says she wants a divorce, and I can tell she’s done her homework. I’m totally unprepared for this divorce… Help!

If your wife’s told you she wants divorce, then there’s a good chance that she’s  already talked to a lawyer. If not, she’s at least spent some time studying up on divorce laws in your state.

You, on the other hand, have done none of this, which is probably why you feel so unprepared for the legal battle that is to come. Fortunately, that’s about to change right now.

[Read more…]

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How to Handle a Wife Leaving Husband and Kids

“My marriage suddenly went from bad to broken…My wife walked out on me and the kids and I feel stranded. How do you handle a wife leaving her husband and kids?”

I feel sorry for you, my friend. Seeing your wife walk out on you and the kids is really challenging, I know.

It’s frustrating feeling so powerless.

Right now you’re feeling stranded and alone in a big wide ocean of responsibility, doubt and, dare I say, blame? Do you feel like if you’d done something differently, perhaps she would have stayed? [Read more…]

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What’s the Average Cost of Divorcing My Wife?

Cost of divorcing my wifeHave you heard horror stories of men who lost everything after getting divorced? Are you afraid you’ll be too poor to do anything but couch-surfing until you’re back on your feet?

Is that going to be you?

As you continue reading, you’ll learn 7 factors that affect the cost of divorce. This should help you to clearly understand how much your divorce will cost, and what you’ll have left when all’s said and done.

[Read more…]

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Should I Sell the House Before or After the Divorce?

Sell house before or after divorceMy wife wants a divorce, but the house is in my name…

Should we sell the house before the divorce, or should I try and keep it to sell down the road?”

If you’re facing divorce, you’ve already got a lot on your plate. One of the biggest ones is probably the simple question:

Who’s going to get the house?

Should you sell it before the divorce? Or will you get more money if you wait until afterwards?

[Read more…]

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