What’s the Secret Ingredient for a Happy Marriage?

by Stephen Waldo

Secret Ingredient for Happy Marriage
Secret Ingredient for Happy Marriage


Very few will tell you it’s needed for a happy marriage.

Even fewer will tell you that Leadership is the husband’s responsibility.

And yet… It’s likely the only trait that has the power to single-handedly save your relationship with your wife.

As you continue reading, you’ll learn more about what it means to be a husbandly leader, and how you can use this trait to turn your marriage around.


Let the word roll off your tongue. There is a sweet sound to it… A strong sound.

Leadership is a trait that men these days are almost completely devoid of. It’s been bred out of us.

Many women – even if they don’t realize it – actually try to remove leadership from our personalities. Maybe it’s because they pride themselves as the one who “wears the pants”, so to speak. Or maybe it’s because the idea that a husband needs to lead in order for a marriage to succeed strongly clashes with our society’s modern view of gender equality.

And yet, a leader is nothing without support – the marriage relationship requires roles that are 100% equal, but still distinct.


It doesn’t always come easily to every man, but it always feels right once it’s been awakened.

Why is Leadership Vital to a Happy Marriage?

Is leadership really the secret to getting your wife back?

It seems so simple, right? How could that be the key?

Even though I personally have Biblical reasons for believing the way that I do, I also have Darwin on my side to back me up.

Across almost every single species in the natural world , leadership is the most important trait to females during mating. It has always been and always will be true that the female gender in ANY species finds the Alpha Male to be the most desirable mate.

What does the Alpha Male have that others don’t?


You don’t have to look far to find proof; our closest animal relatives on a genetic level, the Chimpanzee, is an excellent example. In a tribe of chimpanzees, the alpha male has free pick of any female he wants. Why? Because women are biologically attracted to the quality of leadership.

It’s not sexist, it’s not chauvinistic… It’s literally hard-coded into our DNA as surely as our hair color or any other physical trait.

Here’s the most important thing to take from this article:

Attraction is what will save your marriage, and you create attraction through leadership.

When your wife is attracted to you, every other problem in your marriage will become secondary.

The question is, if attraction is what it takes for your wife to be happy, how do you make yourself attractive?

How Do You Define Leadership in Marriage?

I can almost guarantee that some form of leadership is what originally made you attractive to your wife in the first place. You know, back before you were married, when the lovebirds first sang.

What defines leadership in the context of a relationship?

  • A Leader is Confident in himself (important!)
  • A Leader is Optimistic about his future
  • A Leader is Unwavering in his love for his wife
  • A Leader is Pleased when his wife is happy
  • A Leader is Decisive and sticks to his guns
  • A Leader is Fearless in the face of problems

Notice something missing from that list?


Leading for your wife is not about being physically attractive, charismatic or charming…

Leadership is about being confident in YOU.

I want you to read through the above list 3 or 4 times to make sure you have a solid grasp of what being a husbandly leader is all about.

It’s Time to Awaken Your Leader

When your wife sees that you’re happy with who you are, whether she’s still with you or not, that’s going to flip a biological switch inside her brain. A happy marriage won’t be far behind.

If you want to learn more about husbandly leadership,
check out this step-by-step guide:

10 Steps to Gain Husbandly Leadership

Alternatively, if you’re facing separation, infidelity or divorce, you may need a more thorough resource. Last year I launched Manly Marriage Revival, and it is THE best marriage course for men on the web. Even though it’s just a year old, it’s already had a huge impact on tons of men just like you… I believe we’ve sold around 500 copies so far.

Alternatively, there are plenty of other articles for you to read here on the Husband Help Haven. A good starting place would be with this article I wrote about how to talk to your wife when she’s leaving.

Whatever you decide to do from here, thanks for reading and best of luck. I know that if you put your mind to it (and your heart) that you can turn your marriage around.

Much manly love,
– Stephen

Stephen Waldo

Hi! My name is Stephen. I’m the guy behind Husband Help Haven. My mission here is to help as many men as possible become the best husbands they can be, and save as many marriages as possible along the way. Even though I’m not a marriage counselor, I want to encourage men everywhere to become better husbands, fathers and leaders. Full author bio